“Hold On One Second, Sweetie”

Then He Pats Her On The Shoulder And Walks Away

Can you imagine Senator Obama pulling this crap on a male reporter?

Seriously.

Calling women “sweetie” isn't new to Obama.

WXYZ Detroit Action News

UPDATE: Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama has apologized to WXYZ reporter Peggy Agar for calling her "sweetie" during a campaign stop Wednesday in Sterling Heights.

Obama apologized in a voicemail he left on Agar's cell phone at 3:16 p.m:

"Hi Peggy. This is Barack Obama. I'm calling to apologize on two fronts. One was you didn't get your question answered and I apologize. I thought that we had set up interviews with all the local stations. I guess we got it with your station but you weren't the reporter that got the interview. And so, I broke my word. I apologize for that and I will make up for it.

"Second apology is for using the word 'sweetie.' That's a bad habit of mine. I do it sometimes with all kinds of people. I mean no disrespect and so I am duly chastened on that front. Feel free to call me back. I expect that my press team will be happy to try to make it up to you whenever we are in Detroit next."

LISTEN TO THE VOICEMAIL IN VIDEO PLAYER RIGHT (Voicemail is followed by video clip of the "sweetie" exchange) (GNB NOTE: To hear the voicemail/watch the clip, you have to go to the linked page.)

In a posting on the New York Times Political Blog titled "Obama: Hold On, Sweetie," reporter Jim Rutenberg pointed out this wasn't the first time Obama used the word: "Back in Pennsylvania in early April, Senator Barack Obama took some heat for calling a female factory worker 'sweetie,' in Allentown."

Obama's comment to Agar has also been discussed by reporters for The Atlantic, Chicago Tribune, and Newsday.

There's more...

Let me give you that again.

Obama casually refers to grown women in adult jobs as “sweetie,” then lets himself off the hook for doing so: “That's a bad habit of mine. I do it sometimes with all kinds of people.”

Really? What other “kinds of people” do you you call “sweetie,” Senator? Male reporters for The New York Times? Football players? Children? I can get young children. Grown women? Yep, we know that one already.

Who else?

This is sexism on its face with NO commitment to change.

What, it isn't sexism? Oh... it's just a “bad habit.”

Here. Let me change it around for you...

“Second apology is for using the word 'boy.' That's a bad habit of mine. I do it sometimes with all kinds of people. I mean no disrespect.”

If Hillary Clinton said that on the trail to a grown black male television reporter at the same Detroit auto factories, it would LEAD THE FUCKING NIGHTLY NEWS ON EVERY NETWORK IN AMERICA: “Hillary Clinton called a black reporter 'boy' today.”

But Barack Obama calling a grown woman “sweetie” while patting her on the shoulder and turning away, well, that barely rates a mention. It's funny. He issues an apology. An obviously insincere apology at that, one in which he makes zero commitment to changing his behavior, excusing it as a “bad habit” and whamo, he's off the hook. Not to mention way too few liberal blogs calling him on this obviously sexist bullshit.

(Incidentally, note that Obama didn't even have the ovaries to call the reporter directly. He called her voice mail, which is what you do when you want to make sure your “apology” sounds totally sincere on her tape, leaving her the tape to play for everyone as proof of “like totally” how sincere you are, and most important, making certain you don't have to confront in any way the woman whom you demeaned, overlooked, and made less than, her male counterparts. Don't actually deal with the issue; this way, you can keep your “bad habit.”)

This isn't about Clinton, by the way. I see no realistic path for her to the nomination. This is about holding our candidate presumptive to account. Someone must.

This is about sexism. What Obama did makes all women (and men, and children, because feminism impacts all of us) less than. It was a sexist act.

Men don't get to call women "sweetie", "honey", or "darling," and they sure as hell don't get to do so as nominee presumptive for POTUS. Obama doesn't get to slide on this as a "bad habit." He wants to smoke? Fine. That's his bad habit; I don't care. He uses sexist language, it damages all women, men and children, which means he gets to clean up his act. Starting with calling women by their names.

It's a matter of respect.

Women are people. They vote.

Sometimes, when treated with respect, women even vote for Democrats.

h/t Salon, Ben Smith

There's more...

The “Bitter” End

A Nap...Or Something Seems Necessary Here. For Her. For All Of Us.


It was almost a month ago when the lower right side of my jaw turned against me and played LAPD on my nerve endings. It was during the height of what was deemed “Bittergate”, in which Senator Barack Obama while at a San Francisco fundraiser sparked a national “conversation” with these now infamous words:

“You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years. ... And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or anti-pathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”

I was in the midst of writing a post on the whole brouhaha when the tooth fairy got ahold of some bad acid and spaced out in my mouth with a shotgun, but this is what I was working on at the time:

While this was a private function with its words not meant for general consumption, the age we live in is what historians may well call years from now “The Peek-a-boo-isticeine Era”, where nothing one wishes to remain clandestine or for one audience alone ever would. Be the recorder friend or foe, expect that your words and actions will be recorded somehow—especially on the campaign trail, as found out to the ultimate of dismay by former Virginia Senator George Allen via his infamous “Macaca” statement.

-------------------------------------------------------------

What Obama said, is something that many wonks and think-tank babies have postulated for years. Senator Clinton herself used even more brusque language to describe that demographic in 1992. Obama's near-grievious mistake was those words issuing forth from an erudite, and yes—somewhat aloof and “edumacated” Black man's mouth. It was an inartful and clunky phrasing more suited to the hash-it-out style of an academic bull session than the three-word sloganeering that so dominates American politics these days. I got what he was saying there, as did I think a lot of Americans. It is not so much that those embittered among us merely “cling” to those issues of religion, safety (guns), and national security (immigration), but the point that has been made by progressives since the Age of Reagan is that the powers-that-be who are hell-bent on looking out for their own and no one else heavily push these “third rail” issues through the media in an attempt to throw chaff into the air of debate on the things that really affect Americans.. Never mind that you can't afford to see a doctor—how 'bout those gays a' smoohcin' and a' feelin' all over each other! Yes, yes...we know we facilitated your company's shipping your gig halfway 'round the world for 40% of the compensation, but hey, the real pisser is that people want to limit your ability to buy guns that'd blow a moose's head into so much Hamburger Helper™ with a trigger squeeze of 1.75 seconds releasing fifty rounds.

When people are drowning, they will grab at whatever is close by. And if after pushing them into the sea, you throw specific things of your choosing at them to float on—not something that would actually propel them anywhere—they will desperately grab at those things too. Flag-burning. Gay marriage. Willie Horton. Threat levels. Assault weapons bans. All pushed while savings and loans failed, Habeas Corpus was mauled beyond recognition, Bin Laden went unpunished, our privacy ceased to exist and so on, and so on , and scooby-dooby-doo. People are manipulated to where they think these are the issues placed before them are the true issues of the day—not the ones that actually impact them from day to day.

Faux outrage is the true “opiate of the masses”—and this government is its sleazy -ass pusher.

But yes....Obama stumbled with this. Most folks got exactly what he meant, but to the “three word slogan” crowd, he left enough ambiguity there to where he gave his opponents a loaded gun and begged them to blast him in the grille with it—Yosemite Sam-style. Obama has a lot of Adlai Stevenson in him,—a tendency to be very “thinky, sometimes overly-professorial, and yes, sometimes annoyingly analytical. To the point where for all of his soaring rhetoric and verbal élan in-speech, there is a bit of the “I'm going to let you see me figuring this shit out 'cause it's so cool to see my gears working.” when he's just plain talking.

My move out of that rundown was this: Taking into account the mathematical situation Sen. Clinton was in electorally against him, there really is no reason why she shouldn't have tried to maximize the damage ithose words could cause him. It was a desperate time, and regardless of what camp you come down in, strictly on the political maneuvering tip, when your opponent trips and falls into a hole, you toss in snakes, rocks and raw meat so tigers dive in too. We're all adults here and I think we get how the politics game is played. As correct as the statement was, Sen. Obama found himself amending it (as it was open to being easily twisted to a slam on a demographic group) and apologizing for any misconstruement.

Bluntly, he fucked up there, albeit a petit mal fuck-up when you get right down to it. In the ensuing days there were people on the street interviews with Americans in the affected areas who agreed with his statement. Be that as it may, it scanned to many as a huge “kick me” sign taped to his crotch. And kick people did, until Rev. Wright deigned to touch down in D.C., make goofy faces, and rail away as “the pastor scorned”.

Senator Clinton made hay of that too. Again, considering her electoral position, magnaminity was not something to be expected. My father had a saying that “Sometimes in life, there's an ass-whipping or two you just have to take”. “Wright Redux” was one such ass-whipping for Obama. And the media joined in gleefully with Sen. Clinton in the “jolly stomping” as the story and the language around it was vinyl-car-seat-in-the-noonday-sun hot. For two weeks she and the media grabbed Wright by the feet and beat Obama over the head with him like he was a lead pipe used in a gang-fight.

Again. I hold no rosy-eyed view of the media, nor do I expect a mathematically-cornered candidate to have done any less than she did. This ain't beanbag.

However, as far as the media goes, at least in terms of debates, I expect at the minimum, the barest modicum of fairness. In fact—fuck fair, as screwed up as they are, I'd almost accept “Fair-esque—If you like the smell of fairness, you'll love (whispered) Fair-esque!”

The Wright thing was a feeding frenzy, and that I can understand. The shitty, “Power Rangers”-level stunt work that George Stephanopoulos and Charlie Gibson pulled at the pre-Pennsylvania debate was a whole other smoke—laced with PCP, donkey piss and battery acid I think. I would love to tell you that what they did lowered my opinion of ABC “News” but it couldn't have. I'd crossed them off my list of reputable broadcast outlets more than a year before over their handling of the wingnut pile-on of Amanda Marcotte/Melissa McEwan/John Edwards:

“Sooo...

A talking head for the network and news division that recently hired documented racist hatemonger Glenn Beck (google Glenn Beck and Media Matters) has the gall to feign moral outrage over a liberal blogger hired by the Edwards campaign's impassioned rants?

Even as said talking head's own brother, who runs a quiet, non-bomb tossing site called "Right Wing Nut House" (!) rails at the left in far worse terms? And has also taken this "story" up as a wingnut hobby horse along with the rest of the wingnutosphere?

Well...okay. I'd love to say hypocrisy like this is the reason I no longer watch ABC, (in spite of my actually being interested in getting into "Lost" this season, and watching "Grey's Anatomy" the last two seasons) but after "Path to 9-11", the entertainment-iaztion of "Nightline", and the general right-wing tilt of the Disney-owned network, the die was set.

And I don't miss it a bit. By all means Mr. Moran, enjoy your and your network's relegation to the "I used to watch you" dustbin.

Posted by: LowerManhattanite | Feb 7, 2007 1:53:55 PM

I wrote that on the ABC website TO Terry Moran and the network, and I fucking meant it. I still have the e-mail exchanges between Steve and myself from the year before where I was telling him how things had exploded at my then-job as we were dealing with ABC and their promotion of the revisionist, jingoistic “Path To 9-11”. There was an in-company revolt with e-mails flying back and forth between divisions to the point where I found myself forced to e-mail Steve outside of my job (because the goings on were so hot internally that outside communication of it being discovered would have cost people their jobs) to brief him on the contretemps. I walked away from ABC for good that day. That walk would be proven justified months later when I read about this:

This Week with George Stephanopoulos, May 13, 2007:

GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: You have a very cool style when you're doing those town meetings where you're out on the campaign trail, and I wonder, how much of that is tied to your race?

SENATOR BARACK OBAMA: That's interesting.

GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: One of your friends told "The New Yorker" magazine that the mainstream is just not ready for a fire-breathing black man so do you turn down the temperature on purpose?

That's the idiot media we're cursed with.They have their special interests and ties to this and that and they do what they do. Which is why we often do what we do here and in other places in our blogroll to counterbalance all of that billion-dollar, pancaked and blow-dried stupid. All flag-pins, fancy salad greens, and fiery Reverends (of their selection, of course).

As I said downpage:

What's that old saying about “The devil you know vs. the devil you don't know”?

I know what I'm getting from the media. They play their stupid little games when the cycle gets light and gin up shit. They'll break a story down to smaller bits to create “new“ stories to fill the broadcast day and self-perpetuate their phony-baloney jobs. It's when people who should know better pick up on their slime-trail and try to sell it as spring water that I find myself wanting to scream.

And that leads us here...to something either so indescribably dumb, ridiculously ill thought-out, or worse—desperately venal— that...that I...I just have to shake my head in disbelief:

USA TODAY INTERVIEWER KATHY KELLY: How does Hillary Clinton win the nomination?


SENATOR CLINTON:Well Kathy, you know there was just an “AP” article posted that found how Senator Obama‘s support among working, hard-working Americans, white Americans is weakening again. And how the, you know, whites in both states who had not completed college were supporting me, and in independents I was running even with him and doing even better with Democratic leaning independents. I have a much broader base to build a winning coalition on.

There's a pattern emerging here.”

The hothead in me wants to say “Yeah. You're right. That whole statement does indeed indicate an emerging pattern from you, ma'am.”

So, I'm gonna give Mr. Hothead a tumbler of Maker's Mark—neat—and have him chill for a few minutes as I look at this...statement.

Here is the deal. There is nothing wrong with discussing demographics and voting breakdowns. Both campaigns do so every damned day in their back rooms as they go over polling data. But when a reporter asks you “How can you win?”, and you start talking about demographics in terms of race, you'd better be Goddamned sure you can do so and finesse that language without coming off like either a.): a dog-whistling bigot, b.): an idiot just winging it off the cuff, or c.), the former and the latter combined.

Why, on God's green earth when asked the question “How can you win?”—asked ostensibly in the spirit of things looking dim and “What can you do to reverse that?”—would she start yammering about working, hard-working Americans, white Americans and whites in general shifting back to her?

There are so many awful tropes at play in that statement.

Is it a desperate call to, “come on home folks” to that group to save her candidacy?

Why the split off of “hard-working Americans” into their White sub-component?

Is that noting she has a “broader base” because of the support of “working, hard-working Americans, white Americans” another call-out to Black and Latin folks that when the rubber meets the road, your votes don't really count for much?

Never mind the seeming verbal exclusion of anybody other than Whites from the rubric of being “hard working”.

Senator Clinton's biggest downstate NY African American backer, Rep. Charles Rangel (who earlier this year called Obama “absolutely stupid” over his interpretation of Clinton camp statements about MLK and LBJ;s relationship) said the following:

But some of her supporters - including Rep. Charles Rangel (D-Manhattan)— slammed the comments.

“I can't believe Sen. Clinton would say anything that dumb,” Rangel told The News as he headed to the House floor, where earlier he had embraced Obama.

Yes Charlie. She did.

And there are so many reasons why she may have said it. Unfortunately...none of them are good ones.

Perhaps she misspoke. Or spoke inartfully. Or chose her words poorly. If so, this off-the-gorge gaffe makes Obama's “Bitter” statement look like a mere stumble.I want to believe it was a misstatement, but God, it's so damned specific, what with citing an AP article and all, and the odd, dissonant hammering of the racial paradigm that I don't know HOW that statement could ever be finessed in public discussion. Private? Closed-door talk—candidate to team? Okay.

But this ham-fisted kind of Bond-villain “I-shall-explain-my-plan-to-you-and-thus-expose-myself-to-destrcution-shortly-thereafter” pronouncement does her no good—in the short and the long run. You want to explain it away as a by-product of the fatigue of a long, brutal campaign? An effect of a strategic breakdown of command and control structures iin-campaign as key message personnel are now distracted with cutting their own financial deals that don't involve the candidate? Those are possibilities. But Melissa over at Shakesville deals with it thusly:

Now, I'm not particularly interested in discussing the veracity of the argument that white, working class voters' preference for Clinton makes her a stronger candidate—though, for whatever it's worth, I quite honestly believe that the vast majority of left-leaning voters are going to get behind whoever is the nominee, and the bigots who wouldn't support Obama solely because of his race are a wash with the bigots who wouldn't support Clinton solely because of her sex. That said, I know there are people who legitimately disagree, and fine, wev.

What I am keenly interested in is Clinton's having either intentionally or unintentionally equated "hard-working Americans" with "white Americans." Because, you know, on one hand, it's a cynical and ugly dog whistle to racists who equate brown-skinned people with laziness—and, on the other hand, it sounds exactly like a cynical and ugly dog whistle to racists who equate brown-skinned people with laziness. Even giving her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't intend to imply that non-white Americans aren't hard-working, the effect is the same.

And, since the best-case scenario is the one generally used to avoid apologies, I'm going with that only to show why she still needs to apologize, anyway.

An apology is in order as this was indeed a fuck-up, whether a simple marble-mouthed, accidental verbal gaffe (kind of unlikely) or a sleep deprivation-fueled “I-thought-I was-using-my-inside-voice” screw-up. Sadly, I doubt one is forthcoming. It's late in the game and when teams are down or feeling frustrated, “flagrant fouls” are likely to occur. Sorry doesn't get said at that point in the game. It's an outgrowth of the situation at hand. It may not have been intended to injure, but you've already clotheslined the mother-fucker and sent the message to the other side, and the whole arena—those who haven't headed for the exits—know the game's situation. And I can only pray that this wasn't an intentional play to super-spike the numbers in the decidedly less-progressive West Virginia and Kentucky where she'll probably win big, just to score some “Bubba vote”-credited “garbage time” points. To cynically goose the margins to the point where she can point and claim “See! I am popular!” Leave us not venture there, please? That isn't a discussion of demographics—that's an appeal to the “Deliverance” crowd.

I mean, It's been evident for quite some time that there's a level of upset in the Clinton camp over the seeming abandonment of them by a once-faithful African American voting public. It was as late as December when pundits across America were wondering whether Obama was “Black enough” and how he'd have difficulty in poaching much of the Black vote from Clinton. And when it happened, it seemed to catch them both—the senator and the former president woefully off guard. There has been a palpable frustration in them over that new reality—and voiced loudest by her most prominent surrogate, her husband Bill. The statements spoke for themselves. And that loss of a key voting bloc identified for years with them had to hurt. We all know that. And when someone you've counted on for-ever stops “picking up the phone”, you look elsewhere for help. And maybe...just maybe you throw a dig at the abandoner to make yourself feel a a little better. You play up your replacement suitor to stem your feeling of betrayal—Hey, he/she/they want me—and to appear to the world as still being desired.

That's human nature. But it comes with a cost.

Whatever short-run gain it achieves with the “new” paramour, once word gets back to the old one, especially if the two of you still have to deal down the road...you will have a problem. Last night I went out to a meeting at a coffee spot in Brooklyn and stumbled into an open mic night. There was no “quiet policy” and people still chattered as the various poets and troubadours did their thing. I overheard a verrrrry animated conversation between four Black women ranging in age from their early thirties to mid fifties.

Having moved from talk of a project they were all working on, they lapsed into discussing Senator Clinton's statement on “working, hard-working Americans, white Americans”.

They were merciless.

There were lots of “Can you believes?...”, “Oh no, she knew exactly what she was sayings”, and worst of all “I will remember THAT shit come her next election days” bandied about.

This...is Senator Clinton's home state for the U.S. Senate where this heated discussion was going on. Now, throw that in with Rangel's angry response, and the feeling—founded or unfounded—that she has been a bit too liberal with the shiv in dealing with Sen. Obama and you have a to say the least, very disillusioned portion of a voting bloc she will desperately need for Senate re-election. It's kind of a “Black New York: Drop Dead!” kind of thing. And don't think for a second that when her Senate re-election time comes around that some enterprising opponent—either a lefty-leaning Dem upstart, or a wrench-in-the-works GOP'er won't trot those words out against her again and again and again.

Black folks in NYC are not happy with her right about now. This shit? Ain't helping out with it.

These are the wages...of bitterness.

And bitterness is an ugly thing indeed. It twists you. It curdles your soul and hardens your heart. It deadens the eyes and rots your relationships. It will drive you to say and do things that a clear-minded person wouldn't dare. Senator Obama's statement about what bitterness brings echoes like a brick ricocheting down an elevator shaft. People will cling to polarizing things as a way to express their frustrations.

I don't like the way this primary season is ending, in spite of my long-held, heartfelt desire for the damned thing to be over. There are things happening here—ugly, unseemly things that'll have a shelf life far beyond this mere blip in time. Class splits unearthed. News agencies exposed and de-legitimized. Reputation-damaging gaffes and cynical plays to people that lower you. Ugh. As a student of history and politics, I forget very little of what I've learned over the years, and I'm already wishing I could forget some of the things I've seen this year. But sadly, I won't.

I guess I'm a little bitter too. Maybe we all are. And a little broken-hearted to boot.

It was a couple of weekends ago when I was at the peak of my dental suffering when the blogospheric story broke about Senator Clinton's meeting with fundraisers where she was imploring their deep-pocketed help. This was never meant to be heard publicly (I think) but when it got out I was very, very down about it. I wasn't alone. From Jane at FireDogLake:

The Huffington Post has Hillary Clinton on tape disparaging Barack Obama and his support from MoveOn, saying that the organization "didn't even want us to go into Afghanistan.”

I've tried to stay out of the pie fights of late, but as a long-term defender of MoveOn and other progressive organizations -- this is completely unacceptable.

"MoveOn opposed military action in Afghanistan" is a Republican talking point, articulated specifically and purposefully by Karl Rove:

Rove went on to say that conservatives wanted to "unleash the might and power" of the military against the Taliban in Afghanistan, while liberals wanted to submit petitions. He cited a petition he said was backed by MoveOn.org that called for "moderation and restraint" in responding to the attacks.

And via The Huffington Post:

At a small closed-door fundraiser after Super Tuesday, Sen. Hillary Clinton blamed what she called the "activist base" of the Democratic Party -- and MoveOn.org in particular -- for many of her electoral defeats, saying activists had "flooded" state caucuses and "intimidated" her supporters, according to an audio recording of the event obtained by The Huffington Post.

------------------------------------------

“Moveon.org endorsed [Sen. Barack Obama]—which is like a gusher of money that never seems to slow down,” Clinton said to a meeting of donors. “We have been less successful in caucuses because it brings out the activist base of the Democratic Party. MoveOn didn't even want us to go into Afghanistan. I mean, that's what we're dealing with.”

Jane was very hurt by that, namely seeing the senator use a Rovian lie—an actual Rovian lie—as a stalking horse for grubbing campaign dough. And In spite of my pain, I was too when I read it.

Yet, I wanted to understand. Give the benefit of the doubt because not doing so would've sent me deeper into despair. Sen. Clinton's being angry about MoveOn's “endorsement” I could understand somewhat. Even her holding a grudge against them. It was in many ways yet another abandonment.

That's human nature again—especially when one considers the irony of how MoveOn came to be.

The group was originally called “Censure and Move On”—founded as a bulwark against the evils of Ken Starr's vendetta against Bill Clinton.

What was the knife in my gut was her slandering a progressive FORCE with a straight-out-of-Karl-Rove's-mouth lie. Her bitter, (yes, bitter) “how could they”-ish line about MoveOn “not supporting Afghan intervention” was a lie that Rove himself has repeatedly used to pillory the group. His quote in the blockquote a little ways up verfies that.

And the salt water on that knife to the gut was her trotting that shpiel out to fat cats at the fund-raiser as some sort of “I'm not with them!” bona fides. It got me to wondering in one of my more lucid moments, “just who those financiers were and WHY SUCH A ROVIAN SENTIMENT WOULD BE FIGURED TO RESONATE WITH THEM.” I didn't want to be lucid after thinking on that for too long. So I popped a vicodin and went off to the land of nod, where anger and bitterness could not find me. But before I did, I remembered something that FDL's Jane, who has been decidedly, refreshingly fair about the whole primary season said last fall to Elizabeth Edwards:

“So here’s the rule. You never repeat right wing talking points to attack your own, ever. You never enter that echo chamber as a participant. Ever. You never give them a hammer to beat the left with. Just. Don’t. Do. It.”

I remember thinking on her “Just. Don't. Do. It.” as sleep enveloped me.

And when I awoke, I was angry again. And yes...bitter. That event was pretty much the nadir for me. All that has come since is just after-the-coma cock-punches. Wright Redux. Hard-workin' Whites. Sillyfuck debates.

There is no joy in Mudville.

Maybe soon. But right now? As Phase One of “Campaign '08” draws to an end? No. I see it a bit here, but even moreso at other stops I used to love frequenting around blogtopia. There is rancor. There is angriness. And smoldering semi-loads of just-dumped / mixed-in-with-old-mountains of bitterness. A teeming, ever-growing landfill of bitterness.

It needs to stop. But how?

Well, whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I've found that music tends to help me through, and one of this blog's longtime regulars—DocBopper e-mails me regularly with this message in every missive's footer:

“The one thing that can solve most of our problems is dancing”---James Brown

The man's got a point. I ain't talkin' 'bout a tired-ass “kum-ba-ya” circle of Cowsills-like blended tenors, sopranos and baritones swaying choirfully...I mean an ass-shaking, soulful on-the-two-and-four get down. For release. To get back “on the beat”, if you will, as we gear up for “Phase Two”. As “The Godfatrher” himself said:

People, people
We got to get over
Before we go under...

Hey, country
Didn't say what you meant
Just changed
Brand new funky President.

Who sure as hell ain't the bearings-challenged John McCain.



Dance it out, ya'll.

There's more...

I've Got Your Vice President Right Here...

Obama: “Obviously she'd be on anybody's short list”

Reuters reported Thursday, Obama is open to Clinton as his Vice President.

Reuters

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Democrat Barack Obama on Thursday did not rule out selecting rival Hillary Clinton as his vice presidential running mate if he ultimately defeats her in a race in which he has an almost insurmountable lead.

"There's no doubt that she's qualified to be vice president, there's no doubt she's qualified to be president," Obama told NBC News.

In a CNN interview, he said he had not wrapped up the Democratic presidential nomination, but when he does, he will start going through the process of selecting a running mate.

"She is tireless, she is smart. She is capable. And so obviously she'd be on anybody's short list to be a potential vice presidential candidate," said Obama.

According to a CBS News/New York Times poll released last week, a majority of both Obama and Clinton voters say they would favor a so-called "Dream Ticket" involving both candidates.

The most interesting part of this to me is:

According to a CBS News/New York Times poll released last week, a majority of both Obama and Clinton voters say they would favor a so-called "Dream Ticket" involving both candidates.

I'll say that ONE MORE TIME (emphasis added.)

According to a CBS News/New York Times poll released last week, a majority of both Obama and Clinton voters say they would favor a so-called "Dream Ticket" involving both candidates.

A majority say they would favor a so-called "Dream Ticket."

Huh.

Not on this blog. *cracks up*

But then, GNB READERS DO NOT REPRESENT either the

• Democratic Party or
  
• General Election voters.

We (at GNB) are much more the future/technological side of the Netroots Party.

Many of you hate Senator Clinton. Or at least, her politics. (Frankly, it's kind of hard to tell with some of you.)

I don't think Clinton would take the VP slot if offered, and I don't think Obama will make such an offer. We talked about this yesterday in How Clinton Might Leave.

That said, discuss:

a) the election pros/cons if Clinton is on the ticket.

Having Clinton on the ticket shores up the Hispanic and women's vote, as well as the older white poor, working-class and middle-class vote. Yes, it gives the Hillary-haters something to get angry about, but frankly, the right-wing who were going to be angry in the general election at Hillary, were going to be going nuts already at having an African-American heading up the ticket. Overall, I think it's a boost, and ensures a win.

b) the signal it sends about business as usual politics v the transformation of politics as usual.

This is the biggest problem, by far in my view. It ties Obama to the past, instead of the future. On the other hand, being President isn't about the person at the top, so much as it's about the team around you. I'm MUCH more interested Obama Cabinet choices than I am about his VPOTUS choice. The Cabinet runs the country, day to day. The Vice President goes to funerals.

c) if Obama can just wait it out, or if power politics call for him to put an end to this now.

I don't know what her price is. I gave you my speculation yesterday, and doubt it's the Vice Presidency. However we've got this Reuters article all alone out there, and Senator Obama himself talking about Senator Clinton and the VP slot, so I'm posting up.

DOES THE SITUATION (Clinton's almost 1700 delegates) require Obama to act, or can or should he wait it out? Remember... the point is to win the nomination, not to purge the party of the Clinton's, attack the DLC, strike out against the Blue-Dogs, or all that jazz people get so hepped up about. Obama's intent here is to win the nomination, and go on to win the Presidency. That's it. Everything else is gravy.

Got it?

a) pros/cons of Clinton being on the ticket,
b) "politics as usual" v. Obama's current campaign, and
c) does the situation (the politics) require Obama to make a VP offer?

Discuss. (Play nice please.)

There's more...

McCain is the huh?

Best Metaphor Ever



Primary Results: Should Clinton Get Out of the Race?

Video courtesy The Young Turks. (Check them out.)

There's more...

How Clinton Might Leave

Political Analysis

Back on March 30, I wrote Obama: Clinton Welcome To Keep Campaigning.

He took the high road then

Obama's taking, if not the high road, at least the moderate road now, in a memo to Superdelegates, calling the Clinton strategy "entertaining" but not "legitimate."

This owes a debt to Dan Conley's Salon article, What does Hillary want?

Second, this is analysis, not what I necessarily think personally is the best solution for the country or for either the Clinton or Obama campaigns. It is however, what I think is happening, from a political point of view, and what will get Campaign Clinton to concede the nomination fight.

In the face of the Clinton campaign's promise to fight on -- which they must say to show strength for their negotiations over terms of quitting -- what are the promises from the Obama Camp which would induce Clinton to quit, and support Obama with her full strength, not just for show?

1) Clinton needs her campaign debt paid off by Obama, so she leaves the campaign not owning anyone money. This includes her personal loans to the campaign. This part is simple. Clinton will fight and fight and fight, till Obama agrees. The winner paying the loser's debts is also fairly traditional.

2) Clinton will want some promotions -- say, President Clinton to the next Supreme Court opening, and her to Senate Majority Leader. That has the advantage of being such a powerful position she'd be unlikely to ever run again for President. Further, it plays to her strength. She's much more a legislator, than an executive.

3) She needs a major plank, perhaps health care, which has always been her signature issue, to go her way. Then Elizabeth Edwards will be happy, and Clinton can say to her supporters that my campaign made a difference. It stood for something. It changed what we have fought for all these years. Finally... finally health care in America is going to change. YOU made that happen. Together we won. THAT would be worth the whole campaign to her, in the years to come, politically... to be able to take credit for health care, especially if as Senate Majority Leader she was then in a position to not just sponsor the legislation, but oversea and control its passage.

4) Lastly, Clinton doesn't need Campaign Obama to let her control the VP pick, but she'll want a veto over Bill Richardson, because she and President Clinton are PISSED at Richardson right now. Heh.

Does Clinton want to be VP herself? I don't think so.

The up-side for Clinton being Vice President would be that the odds of Obama being assassinated during two terms of office, which are much higher of course, for an African-American Democratic President than any President we've ever had before. The race-bating has already started as LM and Maggie point out.

The down-side is, being VP is a thankless, powerless job (Cheney not withstanding) and Clinton would unquestionably be locked out of power in an Obama administration. Her style is the opposite of Obama's, and to Obama's most fervent supporters (admittedly, the Obama-manics are at best, perhaps 10-15% of those who will hopefully vote for Obama) Clinton is the epitome of everything wrong with Democratic politics; putting Clinton on the ticket would upset this part of the party.

Further, if Obama should die with her at VPOTUS, Clinton would instantly become the center of the worst paranoid conspiracy shit-storm in U.S. history. Clinton is a fiercely intelligent woman, who must also balance out the opportunity to get close to her life-long dream of becoming President of the United States. Perhaps it is necessary in this sexist country for a woman to become Vice President before one can become President. Everything considered, I suspect Senator Clinton will go for the surer route to real power -- Senate Majority Leader.

Give her these four points, a major photo op with Clinton and Obama where they make lovey-dovey and endorse, and she pulls out May 21, the day after the next major round of primaries (so she goes out after a major victory.)

Don't, and Clinton goes scorched earth at the May 31 meeting, working to get Florida and Michigan seated, and takes it till stopped by the Super Delegates, Dean, or Denver.

These are my predictions. Remember -- I'm usually wrong on short-term political predictions. *laughs* My track record on technology is first rate, same with long term speculation about the future... I'm not as good as Sara is as I don't have the discipline and training she has, or the vocabulary (thus, the distinctions.) But my track record is good.

Short-range politics... not so much. But it's fun to play.

Enjoy yourself in comments (and please, no personal attacks.)

There's more...

Dear Paul Begala and Chris Matthews...

Thank you.

Thank you for your clarity.

Your unvarnished truthfulness.

Your bigotry-spawned “going to ground” over what this election is truly about for yourselves and I'm guessing the majority of your co-horts in the nattering chattering class.

I thank you gentlemen for at the very least, exposing yourselves for what you are and letting the world and me know just what the twisted, fear-crafted movement inside you is that makes you tick-tick-tick.

You sirs, and your fellow travelers have removed all doubt for me. At last I know where I stand with you—or rather, five steps behind you .

From Chris Matthews last month:

MATTHEWS: Senator Claire McCaskill of Missouri is an Obama supporter. Senator McCaskill, did you advise Obama to go out and try to bowl the other day?

McCASKILL: Well, listen, I grew up in a small town where you learned to do two things: You learned to bowl and you learned to roller-skate. I can’t wait to challenge him to a game of bowling.

MATTHEWS: OK. Let me ask you about how he — how’s he connect with regular people? Does he? Or does he only appeal to people who come from the African-American community and from the people who have college or advanced degrees?

And this from the revelatory Paul Begala during the heat of last last night's rollercoaster primary coverage:

BEGALA: When people say things — I love Donna and we go back 22 years. We’ve never been on different sides of an arguments in our entire lives. But if her point is that there’s a new Democratic Party that somehow doesn’t need or want white working-class people and Latinos, well count me out.

DONNA BRAZILE, CNN CONTRIBUTOR: Paul, baby, I did not say that.

BEGALA: We cannot win with egg heads. Let me finish my point. We cannot win with egg heads and African-Americans. OK, that is the Dukakis Coalition, which carried ten states and gave us four years of the first George Bush.

President Clinton — reached across to get a whole lot of Republicans and Independents to come. I think Senator Obama and Senator Clinton both have that capacity. They both have a unique ability—well it’s not unique if they both have it. They both have a remarkable ability to reach out to those working-class white folks and Latinos. Senator Clinton has proven it; Barack has not yet, but he can. And I certainly hope he is not shutting the door on expanding the party.

(CAMPBELL) BROWN: OK. Let — egg heads and African-Americans? That’s the new coalition?

BRAZILE: First of all, Paul, you didn’t hear me right. Maybe I should come and cook you something because you’ve got a little hearing problem. I was one of the first Democrats who were going to the white working-class neighborhoods, encouraging white Democrats not to forget their roots. I have drank more beers with “Joe Six Pack,” “Jane Six
Pack” and everybody else than most white Democrats that you’re talking about.

In terms of Hispanics, you know Paul, I know the math. I know Colorado; I know Nevada; I know New Mexico. So that’s not the issue. I’m saying that we need to not divide and polarize the Democratic Party as if the Democratic Party will rely simply on white, blue collar male—you insult every black blue collar Democrat by saying that. So stop the divisions. Stop trying to split us into these groups, Paul, because you and I know both know we have been in more campaigns. We know how Democrats win and to simply suggest that Hillary’s coalition is better than Obama’s, Obama’s is better than Hillary’s — no. We have a big party, Paul.

BEGALA: That’s right.

BRAZILE: Just don’t divide me and tell me I cannot stand in Hillary’s camp because I’m black, and I can’t stand in Obama’s camp because I’m female. Because I’m both.

There is nothing that warms my African American heart more than being told that I am not a “regular person”—whatever that is, or that my vote is some sort of statistical anomaly, or simply having my vote flat-out discounted.

Hey, let me show you a picture.



It's a bit blurry and you've probably never seen it before, but here are some details on it. It was captured on film on June 12, 1963—the year I was born. What does it show? A two-tone '57 Chevy Sedan parked in a Jackson, Mississippi home's carport. There's a stain on the ground trailing away from the driver's side and ending in a pool at the far left. I grabbed this from a video chronicling that night.

Let's look at it a little closer, shall we?



I've highlighted that “pool” area so you can understand what it is.

That's blood.

Starting in a thin stream and then gouting from a gaping wound in a man's back courtesy of a Ernfield 1917 30.06 rifle bullet. Said man dragged himself about 25 feet from where he was struck initially and then collapsed near his front door where that pool collected.

That man's name was Medgar Wiley Evers. And he was assassinated for fighting for civil rights and most importantly near the time of his murder, voting rights for African Americans.

Yes. People put their lives on the line and sometimes—too many times—saw their lives snuffed out for fighting to obtain and maintain that right. So, when I hear the likes of a Matthews and revealingly, a Begala flushing the votes of nearly 14 million African Americans down the crapper because they don't like where those votes are being cast and for whom, I think of Medgar Evers on that night, getting out of his car, taking custom-made T-shirts reading “Jim Crow Must Go!” out of the back seat, and then a cowardly sniper's bullet ripping through his back and him bleeding out on his front steps as his wife and kids opened the door to see him there, life ebbing away with every millisecond.

Guess what? Medgar Evers was “regular people”. We are regular people. And these weak-assed attempts to chump off the Black vote when it doesn't play to conventional wisdom or fit a desired template pisses on the memory of those who fought the hardest and sacrificed the most for it. We make up 13.5% of the electorate. You court us when you need votes for “X”, then diss us when we vote for “Y” and “Y” ain't what you're down with.

“Regular people.” “African Americans and Eggheads.”

Let me ask a simple question here. If Black folk only make up 13.5% of Americans, and college educated folks make up 29% (allowing for overlap between the two groups, as well as overlap between college educated voters and GOP-inclined ones), where in the name of Dr. George Washington Carver is the rest of this nettlesome, apple-cart upsetting vote coming from? Or has the dreaded Black Genius Camp and the MIT-educated numerical wizards from the movie “21” banded together in cahoots to unfairly freaknomic-ize this year's primary results? Trotting out this patently racist sour grapes bullshit would be maddening if it weren't so sad and revealing about the people perpetrating it.

And whether you're a hard-core member of “Obamanation” or a pom-pom waving “Clintonista”, common sense should prevail and allow anyone with eyes to do the simple math and realize how specious, divisive and destructive this framing is.

The numbers don't support it. Silly people's fears and naked spite do.

““Regular People” are turning out in record numbers this year just in the primaries not as some statistical blip. It's clear that something is up in America. Gas down the block from me is $3. 91 a gallon for Regular. They're tacking foreclosure notices to houses like they were cellophaned copies of “Pennysavers”. This asinine war has infuriated people beyond belief and trust in the way “things have been” has eroded mightily. Habeas Corpus is under siege, and a government that promised to be hands-off has been revealed to be totally “hands-in”, as in up our asses judicially via manipulation of US attorneys and privacy-wise in terms of FISA. These seven and a half years of Bushian presdiential awfulness is what's driving things change-wise.

But you don't want to look at that.

That's too big a thought for your walnut-sized, political bronto-brains to digest. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's the “elites” who have fucked this thing for you. “The Creative Class”. Eggheads. And of course, the n*ggers.

I'm one of seven kids, born to North Carolinians with a family tree going back to and fading out at Pre-Emancipation. I'm also a writer, actor and visual artist as well as a former college boy. I suppose that makes me the magic and dreaded electoral trifecta of evil according to these two clowns and their co-conspirators in piss-pot punditry.

And apparently, I don't fucking count. Me, the great-great -great grandchild of slaves. People who built this country under a whip of leather and second-class citizenship. My vote and the votes of people like me don't matter a whit. A vote Medgar Evers took a bullet in the back for. Whose vote counts? Ones from the likes of those who shot him down for daring to assert personhood for 13.5 million Black folks. And if not them, then those who quietly have no problem with his murder and what it represented.

“Regular people” “Real America” The mother-fucking “Heartland”.

Thank you Paul Begala. And thank you Chris Matthews. For coming clean on how you really feel. I'm no sage, and while I may not know exactly what America herself is or is not ready for, I know what you two and your ilk are clearly not ready for. You've spent your adult public lives playing at high-mindedness, but now...you've come clean.

The mask is off and I see you for what you are. What's that old saying about “The devil you know vs. the devil you don't know”?

I know you now. Benefit of the doubt shielded you before. But no more.

“Desperation is the flashing, trembling hand that snatches away the veil of false propriety.”

Who said that?

Why, I just did.

Just your typical, discounted, influential-beyond-my-wildest-dreams, and might I say, educated Black person.

At last, I know where I stand.

And because of that, I will fight that much harder. Against injustice. Against a corrupt and twisted system. And yes, against you. Because you see, as well as knowing where I stand...I also know, and will never forget...



...where Medgar lay.

There's more...

I Am Your Riot-starter!

Singin' 'Bout “Hot Hate In The Summertime...”

It would appear that a certain OxyContin-ed, sex-touring, um...poorly-circulated someone's, ohhhh I dunno...just a wee bit desperate over November's GOP electoral prospects, wouldn't you say?

I mean, when you're hoping for public mayhem to spark “the base” to vote for your party's dishwater-tepid standard-bearer, wellllll...

Via ABC-7 Qenver:

Rush Limbaugh 'Dreaming' Of Riots In Denver

Talk Show Host Wants America To See Actions Of 'Far Left'

DENVER— Talk show host Rush Limbaugh is sparking controversy again after he made comments that appear to call for riots in Denver during the Democratic National Convention this summer.

He said the riots would ensure a Democrat is not elected as president, and his listeners have a responsibility to make sure it happens.

“Riots in Denver, the Democrat Convention would see to it that we don't elect Democrats,” Limbaugh said during Wednesday's radio broadcast. He then went on to say that's the best thing that could happen to the country.

--------------------------------------------

Several callers called in to the radio show to denounce Limbaugh's comments, when he later stated, “I am not inspiring or inciting riots, I am dreaming of riots in Denver.”

Meanwhile, Melissa at Shakesville picks up Rush's flop-sweat and feces-stained ball, and spikes it in his hate-swollen face

All Spin Zone's Richard Blair wonders. given that inciting riot is a crime, "How is it that a GOP attack dog frontman can call for riots in the streets of Denver during the Democratic National Convention, and not be currently residing in a jail cell someplace?" while Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper says, "Anyone who would call for riots in an American city has clearly lost their bearings." That's polite.

--------------------------------------------

That guy is so full of shit he's like a walking compost heap. It's amazing there aren't glorious sunflowers growing out of every orifice.

Rush's Armageddonal wet dream hits on a couple of pathologies at once.

One: He's still pretty damned wan insofar as his ability to conjure any warmth for the-candidate-who-lucked-out-and-survived-the-GOP--primaries-and-is-now-the-de-facto-nominee and knows “the base” is equally “eh” on him as well. McCain on his own inspires about as much feel-good-ism as a four-alarm orphanage fire. So, if you don't get the hoped-for Al-Qaeda attack (and they have been hoping for another one of those pretty much since Sept. 12th 2001) that'd give wingnuts that something to rally around like a flaming...something, you “pray” for the next best thing—civil fucking unrest. It's the old “law n' order” fallback used by the likes of Tricky Dick Nixon, Reagan and scores of governors and legislators (NY's Rudy Giuliani and Nelson Rockefeller come to mind immediately)—except, in the case of Nixon and Reagan (while California governor), they exploited recent, actual instances of America's streets flaming up. Limbaugh is cravenly and desperately staking his guy's election on a prayer for riots, mayhem and death that aren't anywhere near happening. But it's what's needed to insure a republican victory, right?

That should tell you everything you need to know about the GOP's power-brokers internal thinking about their '08 electoral chances.

There's nothing good to say about John McCain as a candidate. And because of that—there being no tangible positive there to move folks to the polls to pull the lever for him, an external catalyst is needed. Riots, motherfucker! Flames and busted glass. Spectres of sweaty, dusky hordes carting appliances down smoke-filled thoroughfares get wingnuts harder than times in '29, as fear—the thing that drives them 24-7—could be the one thing that brings enough of them out of their Bush-malaise hidey-holes to vote.

But make no mistake, Rush isn't just talking about things going buck-willy in Denver alone. This pharmaceutically-addled demagogue will take shit blowing up anywhere he can get it—preferably with people of color at the center of the unrest. It's why he's also been stoking the fires over the anger about the Sean Bell verdict. Anything that gets melanin-filled people angry enough to be public with their anger is good-to-go for him. Because all that does is remind the most fearful and race-struck of potential voters about just what that fella from Illinois is and effectively dog-whistles—no...fucking screams like Sam Kinison “By God, you don't want one 'a them TV-stealin nigras up in th' White House, do ya?”

That's what he's/they're left with. I await the photoshop of Obama sitting in Huey Newton's wicker chair with a black leather jacket and beret. Ungowah!

And the second pathology ol' Rush is evidencing here is plain, old shit-stirring. As the GOP's candidate gives him and his listeners nothing to sing about and thus is probably a ratings drag in this election season, he has to spark interest in his show somehow. Fuck red meat—statements like his “riot prayer” is “heart-still-beating, animal-flesh-still-on-the-hoof” for those still inclined to dig on his terrestrial radio hate-schtick. As the faithful busy themselves with other things, conceding a GOP loss, they're not listening to him, not fattening his ratings, and thus, not fattening his coffers. Silly, crazy shit like “the riot prayer” is also said to bring the drifting, lapsed Rushistas back to the ray-did-io and back into the white-sheeted and sooty-handed “activist” fold. Does the bastard believe what he's saying? Yes. But he also realizes that spicing it up with fifty extra shakes of coarse-ground crazy is good for the bottom line as well. Cha-ching, ditto-heads. Fill his ample pockets with barely-earned coin while you scratch your head to figure how to afford enough gas to get back and forth to work this month.

Cha-ching, bitches,

And that's what it's about ya'll. Fear and greed. The two things that have ended every great society of the past that dared take them from the bosom to the blood within. I'd like to say that I'm amazed that people who are the first to squawk about the hot words of folks who are actually being done wrong, have no problem and are rarely censured for their thermonuclear words as they sup at the table of privilege. Fallwell. Robertson. And al the rest, right down to ol' Rushie. I'd love to say I'm amazed...but I'm not. And neither should you be. Remember, this is a place where there are hundreds of thousands, if not several million people who rationalize the acts of Timothy McVeigh and Eric Rudolph as being based on some sort of response to oppression and tyranny.

But I'm glad to see that Limbaugh isn't actually inciting anything with his words. He's merely “praying” I mean...if a blogger were to “pray” that Rush be involved in a fiery auto wreck, with his broken body sprawled alongside the road with flames licking at his paralyzed form, and said blogger was to come upon him there and opt to toss stray kindling, papers and the contents of a vodka bottle on Rush rather than urinate on him to douse the blaze, what would be wrong with that? It would simply be a harmless prayer, right? Not an active desire that a terrible, painful fate befall him or anything. What's the harm in a heartfelt prayer?

We should all “pray” for Rush. Not incite anything, mind you.

Just...pray

Bow your head...and pray on something for the man.

Can't hurt.

P.S. Click on the “album” art at the top of the post for extra song-title goodness!)

There's more...

“Weenies”

“Can You Smell What The Fossil Is Cookin'?”


Via Think Progress:

Soon after the New York Times published an article exploring Sen. John McCain’s (R-AZ) unetheical relationships with lobbyists, McCain banished reporters covering his presidential bid — who have been said to be his political “base” — to the back of his campaign airplane.

But over the weekend, McCain reversed course, hosting a “thank you” cookout on Sunday for over 40 reporters from a wide variety of news outlets — including the New York Times — at his vacation home in Arizona.

Which leads us here...

FADE IN:

EXT. CASA DE McCAIN, ARIZONA - MID-AFTERNOON

CLOSE UP - A ROARING BARBECUE GRILL full of hot dogs, ribs, and pork chops being poked at with a barbecue fork. WE HEAR the strains of Pat Boone's cover of “Good Golly, Miss Molly” tinnily keening in the background. CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal the chef at the grill, SENATOR JOHN McCAIN in mid-joke-telling laughter while still poking at the food. We are in the sprawling backyard of his palatial spread , full of picnic tables, coolers full of drink He is surrounded by a bevy of news personalities and fellow politicos dressed in casual, hang-out gear. They are there for the grub. rHE WEARS an apron emblazoned with the phrase, “Kiss The Chef...And By All Means, Blow The Lobbyist”. He continues his joke after a trademark sniveling laugh.

JOHN McCAIN:...and-and then I told those gooks—oh wait, lemme use the PC-term for 'em...my asian, opposition captors...who happened to be a bunch of fucking gooks, “Yes, I know, I been here long time, but for what it's worth, the accommodations still...wait for it...the accommodations are still...sucky-sucky! (gestures blow-job with hand -to-mouth several times). Get it? Come on, you guys get it! “Long time? Sucky-sucky?”

There are very few laughs at the grossly off-color “joke”. His brow furrows for a moment and then a bemused look crosses his face.

McCAIN:. But you know, my friends...(emphasised) when people are beating you senseless every day just 'cause you sport the red, white and blue, that''s when your patriotism is truly tested, .and you learn...the healing value of humor. (He pauses for a beat, then IN A HORRIBLE MOCK-ASIAN ACCENT) “Long time, sucky-sucky!”

The assembled group bursts into maniacal canned laughter. CHRIS MATTHEWS brays above the din.

MATTHEWS: Haaannh! Sweet drunken disciples...I think I fucking soiled myself! You are too good, Senator!

McCAIN: That's what the lay-tays keep telling me, right Candy?

CUT TO:

CNN's CANDY CROWLEY horking down a mouthful of baked beans right out of the steaming pot alá Mongo from “Blazing Saddles”.

CANDY: (Dumbfounded and with a full gullet) Hmmmmmppphlllllbbbthhhht?

BACK TO McCAIN:

McCAIN: Screw it. I was throwin' you a bone. (He laughs and looks at everyone) Hey! An accidental funny. I threw Candy a bone. 'Cause y'know, she's no Norah O' Donnell if you get what I mean... (He mimes a panting dog)

There's a groan from most of the assembled.

McCAIN: (He drops the long fork and grabs at his arm) Goddamn, but my arm hurts...

The group reacts on cue and laughs again. Even Crowley, while spitting hot beans everywhere.

McCAIN: Ohhhh-kay! Who wants a wienie! Fresh off the grill!

WOLF BLITZER steps forward with his plate. He's wearing a pink polo shirt and hideous madras slacks.

McCAIN: I'll just bet you do, my friend. Well...you know the drill.

BLITZER (Sighs) Senator, must I?

McCAIN: Like always, Leslie. “Come on. Come get yer wiener, boy.”

Blitzer proceeds to get down on all fours and scuttle over in front of McCain.

McCAIN: Say it.

BLITZER: ( With a little shame) I...I want the wiener, sir.

McCAIN: (Looking down at Blitzer scornfully) Whose wiener, Leslie?

BLITZER: (Mutters) Your wienier, sir?

McCAIN: I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Say again, my friend?

BLITZER: (Barked through a rictus grin) Your wiener, sir!

McCAIN: Yer damn right you do! (He violently stuffs a wiener off the grill into Blitzer's mouth) It's good, right? You like it?

BLITZER: Stupendous, sir. Gak-k-k-k-k! (Chokes for moment) Stupendous.

McCAIN: I know you do. Who else wants some? (He swigs at a Schlitz “Tall Boy”)

With that, a frantic JOE SCARBORORUGH rushes through the crowd like a fullback, right up to McCain, knocking Blitzer several feet away.

SCARBOROUGH Me! Me! (He kneels there anxiously, eyes closed, mouth open in a smile.)

CUT TO:

Senator McCain's wife CINDY McCAIN comes out the back door with a huge bowl of potato salad. She is in full Liz-Taylor-from-“Giant” high-falutin western girl gear—snug dark jeans, a gingham shirt and a cowgirl hat held on with a diamond tennis-bracelet strap. Her smile-locked face would make Nicole Kidman shudder in shocked disbelief. Down the steps she comes with the bowl, sunlight glinting off her hat-strap and the rhinestone-sized diamonds attached to the upper section of her shirt.

CINDY McCAIN: Tater salad for anyone who wants it!

The crowd “Mmmmm-mmmmms!”—just as much for the offered food as for her obvious natural, and “after-market” charms. Senator McCain shoots her the stink-eye and then kocks back a huge slug of suds.

McCAIN: (With an edge) Jesus Christ, woman! Can't you see it's friggin' lunchtime?

CINDY: (Quizzical) I know, John. (BEAT, but no laughter) I'm serving potato salad, not breakfast.

McCAIN: Wellllll...(Setting up a mean joke)...you coulda fooled me with all that goddamned pancake you came out here with! Henh-henh! (BEAT) Unnnnngh. My bayonet wound...

The group reflexively laughs again, even Cindy, who waves John off girlishly.

CINDY; Oh, John! You are a prize! A regular Avery Schreiber! (She goes to a table to dole out the salad)

McCAIN: (With a drunken edge and pushing the envelope) Hey, Cin! Katherine Harris and Aunt Jemima called! Something about...a shortage...

CINDY; (Shooting a Marcia Cross ice-dagger) Oh, you! “Shortages.” (Sighs and muses almost to herself) “How ever will we pay for this little get together? I wonder! And by the way John..I hear gas has gone up, so we're going to shut the “Straight Talk Express” down for awhile. Oh wait! You can start doing the “Straight Walk Express”, honey! How's that?

McCAIN: (Grumbling) Shutting up. Shutting the fuck up, dear. (Under his breath) Goddamned succubus...

CINDY: Excuse me, dear?

McCAIN: Can't wait to get you on the bus!, my love! You on the bus.

He laughs stiffly and then repeatedly STABS HARD at a rack of ribs on the grill as if he's trying to kill it, In his rage he flips it off the grill onto the dirt and then kicks at it angrily.

SENATOR JOHN WARNER walks up next to McCain and sees him kicking at the dirt-encrusted ribs.

JOHN WARNER: (Noting McCain's rib-kicking with a laugh) Funny, you don't look Jewish—no matter how much you pal around with 'ol “Holy Joe”.

McCAIN: (Wheeling with anger) Warner. Who the hell invited you?

WARNER: Johnny...I come here every year for this.

McCAIN: Well, I didn't Western Union you a Goddamned thing this year, Judas! So, agitate the tumbleweeds...not my friend!

WARNER: John! We've been friends too long...

McCAIN: Yer Goddamned right, my now-fucking enemy! You bailed on the war. My war! What kind of American blinks...(he slugs back more Schlitz)...at kicking brown-people ass, huh? We owe at least another fifty—no, make it a hundred years of brown-people ass kicking for “the 'Nam” (Then yells to all)—and by the way, my left ass-cheek hurts like holy-fucking hell even if nobody even touched me there!—

The crowd roars in approval, waving American flag favors right on cue.

McCAIN (CONT'D): But you blinked Warner! You blinked like Lindsey Graham at a titty-bar! So you are wienie eater-non-grata!

WARNER: John...be reasonable. I didn't really back down. (Nudges McCain and whispers) I pulled an “Arlen”. It's what we do...

McCAIN: (Yelling and jabbing his finger in Warner's cheat)) You son-of-a-bitch...if you don't leave here, I swear to Goldwater, I will take a hot coal off this grill and stick it right...in...your...beady, little eye!

Warner laughs it off, turning to the assembled, making the “crazy” spinning finger gesture as he turn his back on McCain.

WARNER: (Laughing) Cindy, did you put iron filings in Johnny's Postum this morning? I mean, wowee!

McCain unbeknownst to Warner has indeed picked up a hot charcoal ember with his tongs, and purple with rage waits for Warner to turn back. And the moment he does—McCain sneers and jabs the glowing briquet hard into Warner's left eye. It sizzles disgustingly.

WARNER: (Screams like a scalded dog as the assembled group gasps in horror.) Aiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! What the f-Oh my God! Oh my God! My eye! W-what have you done! My fucking eye! Omigod! You fucking lunatic! Why did you do that? Why?!!!

McCAIN: (Flipping an emotional switch to docile and dumbfounded) Do what, my friend?

WARNER: What? WHAT?! You jammed this-this Goddamned briquet in my eye! Oh God! I'm blind...I'm blind...

McCAIN: I did not do that, sir.

WARNER: Are you fucking insane? You just said...you said “you would take a hot coal off this grill and stick it right in my beady, little eye”! And then you did it, You did it! you fucking lunatic!

McCAIN: (Totally playing it off.) I don't think I said that, my friend. And I'm fairly certain I didn't do that either.

WARNER: I-I don't believe this! You just said it. You just did it! Am-am I imagining the fact that my eye—my eye!—feels like a Ruth's Criss steak right now?

McCAIN: John, I wish I knew what to tell you, but I simply don't recall saying or doing that to you. But whatever happened, I feel just terrible about it. We should put this behind us though, and move forward...

WARNER: Move forward? Is everyone here eating mad-cow infected meat? You people saw him! You saw him do this to me! Plain as day! Oh God, I'm getting dizzy...Wolf! You saw him! I know you saw him!

BLITZER: Well, in fairness Senator Warner though you may have seen me seeing this, some people here would say that perhaps I didn't see what you think I did. Let's be fair here...

WARNER: My God. My dear, sweet God. I need to sit down. I-I'm blind. John McCain maimed and blinded me...

SCARBOROUGH: For the record, you're hardly objective here, Senator...

CINDY: Come along Senator, We'll pack that with potato salad for now, and I'll make a call or two. Money talks.You'll have a new eye by tomorrow. You don't mind if it's a brown one, do you? They're easier to get around here...

Warner staggers inside with Cindy while muttering inconsolably “He took my eye. That crazy son-of-a-bitch took my fucking eye.” all the way inside. SENATOR JOE LIEBERMAN SIDLES UP to McCain, watching Warner stumble painfully into the house.

LIEBERMAN: (Clucking his tongue) Too bad about John, there. You know, it's not so much that he left the barbecue...it's more like...the barbecue sort of left him, I guess.

McCAIN: Indeed, my friend.

LIEBERMAN: So. Any brisket there?

McCAIN: Not right now. Plenty of pork, though. Sorry.

LIEBERMAN: (Whispers) That was for show, John. Like it really matters to me? Hit me off with a pig foot. The greasy one right there!

McCAIN: (Piling Joe's plate high) Mazel Tov, my friend.

LIEBERMAN: Yeah. Whatever. I saw some Cheez -Wiz™ around...

McCAIN: On the picnic table over there.

Cindy comes back outside with several news cameramen in tow.

CINDY: John, the camera crews are here!

McCAIN: Thanks, Cin.

HE WAVES THE CAMERA PEOPLE OVER to a large open pit, and calls everyone else to assemble over there as well.

McCAIN: My friends...may I have your attention, please! Now, as you know, no Arizona barbecue is complete without southwestern-style pulled-pork. And I think everybody here—especially my friends in the Capitol are know for having a pretty big appetite' for pork anyways, am I right?

The crowd yells a resounding “Aye!”

McCAIN: So, we're going to do it down-home style...cooking it right in the ground. But first, we have to get a decent fire going to cook with. Now, as a barbecue expert, for a fire of this magnitude, I know for a fact that mere lighter fluid won't do...which is why I've trucked in a tanker full of gas from the Circle K station over on East Buckeye...

EVERYONE STEPS BACK a couple of steps at this news.

McCAIN CONT'D: Now, not to worry. Because I know what I'm talking about here. The truck is parked around the side of the house, so I have the hose from it running here. (He twists the nozzle a half-turn and the amber gasoline gushes into the hole.) You see, for a fire this size, we're going to need more than a splash or two. I figure about...150 gallons should get things going just so...

EVERYONE REALLY STEPS BACK a couple more steps—all save for Lieberman, who steps up next to McCain and feverishly whispers something in his ear.

McCAIN CONT'D: I'm...I'm sorry. I was mistaken. What I meant to say was that gasoline probably isn't the best fuel to use for this purpose, and...taking that into account my friends, 150 gallons of it would probably be just a little bit excessive...

Lieberman nods with self-satisfaction at McCain's side. The Arizona Senator TWISTS THE NOZZLE BACK only to see it snap off, and the gasoline now blasts into the pit, splashing up the sides and onto the lawn a bit.

McCAIN CONT'D:...Well, you get the picture. The general idea. I mean, it doesn't have to be gasoline per sé. The bottom line is...you...(he simply drops the hose into the pit with a splash as THE AIR BLURS AND SHIMMIES from the fumes.) you want a fire, you use an accelerant, it doesn't really matter which one my friends...

At this point John Warner STUMBLES OUT OF THE HOUSE, holding a clump of potato salad packed into his charred eye socket, his other hand clutching a cell phone to his ear.

WARNER: (Yelling) Cindy! The man from Mexico City says if you throw in letting a few trucks cross the border “no questions asked” he'll overnight the eye for 8 a.m. delivery tomorrow and—(He stumbles on the steps) God-damn...depth perception! Whoops!

Warner plows straight into the grill, knocking it over—ribs, wieners and coals a' tumbling across the lawn. Joe Scarborough valiantly throws himself between the coals and the near-full pit, blocking them while taking horrible punishment doing so. He wails in agony as he makes the ultimate sacrifice. All look on in horror at the sight, and a few quickly put on flag pins and lower their heads. Chris Matthews falls to his knees in prayer, practically bawling.

MATTHEWS; My God! This was just supposed to be a barbecue! And now it's a tragedy! An Amercan tragedy! Who would've thunk this thing'd end up with all of us...“choke!” Mourning Joe!

As the assembled solemnly lower their heads, one stray briquet rolls off the prone Scarborough's body and tumbles lazily towards the gas pit. WE SEE IT ROLLING IN SLO-MO as flecks of orange heat cling to it as it rolls ever closer to the pit. STILL IN SLO-MO, Blitzer sees it and screams “INCOMING!” in deep-pitched SLOWED-DOWN AUDIO and dives away with the rest of the press and politicos, save for McCain and Lieberman, who resolutely stand at the pit's edge, hugging in a grieving embrace. Just as the coal lips the pit's edge, Lieberman sees it, eyes widening for a moment and then closing tightly as his embrace of McCain does as well. WE GO BACK TO REGULAR SPEED.

LIEBERMAN: (Lips against McCain's ear) I've always loved you.

The coal drops in—and there is a flash of light and the roar of a thousand blast furnaces. A massive pillar of fire shoots skyward as McCain and Lieberman disappear in the sudden conflagration. Matthews' face is sunburned a deep and permanent red from being caught unawares by th eheat flash. Blitzer in spite of his last-ditch scramble has his beard singed off, revealing an odd, inverted cleft in his chin, as if a scrotum had been pressed there long enough to indent. Cindy's face literally melts like a peach-colored Crayola crayon. Most survive, but palatial Casa de McCain goes up like a lobbyist's skirt in a junket airplane's restroom. CLOSE-UP on the roaring wall of flames.

CUT TO:

INSET OF OF CNN COMMERCIAL CUTAWAY SCREEN - LATER THAT EVENING

PLUGGING AN UPCOMING STORY—time-lapse stills showing the pillar of fire as seen from a satellite, CHYRON READS: “COULD FREAK ARIZONA WILDFIRE AFFECT PREZ RACE—AND WAS WRIGHT “RIGHT?“ IS THIS GOD DAMNING AMERICA?

CUT TO:

INSET OF OF MSNBC COMMERCIAL CUTAWAY SCREEN - SIMULTANEOUSLY

MSNBC PLUGS THE SAME STORY—live shot depicting the blaze from helicopter-car-chase level, with photos of Candy Crowley and Cindy McCain inset and the word “MISSING!” under them. CHYRON READS: “OMG! WHERE ARE THEY?

CUT TO:

INSET OF OF FOX NEWS COMMERCIAL CUTAWAY SCREEN - SIMULTANEOUSLY

FOX'S TAKE ON ARIZONA FIRE STORY—visual depicting the blaze in a split-screen where the other picture is a shot of from the Branch Davidian Compound in Waco also going up in flames. CHYRON READS: “WACO II? CLINTON TIES PROBED, UNNAMED SOURCES SAY.”


FADE TO BLACK


FIN.

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