Saturday, September 8, 2007

Group News Blog v. The Onion

Scrappy Bloggers v. "America's Finest News Source"

The actual news admittedly as told by, ahem, experts SUPER HEROES, whee... bloggers such as ourselves v. satire told by those losers over at The Onion.

Can you tell the difference? We didn't think so.

No... this isn't just an excuse to re-run some great stories and pass it off as current stuff. Yes, it is a slow news day, what's your point? Oh yeah? Well so's your mamma. Oh your mamma's so fat when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house. Yeah! Now don't you go talking about my sister. Shut up. No, you shut up. I'll bite your leg right off.

Shh. The movie's starting.

GNB Video coverage of Fox News:

What's Bill O'Reilly Really “Looking Out” For, Folks?

v. The Onion's coverage of, well... everyone. (We mean you Fox & CNN and how you change the coverage from the crimes of the Bush administration and any REAL news, with "breaking news" showing us blonde, missing girls.)

You know, this is just a thought, but if Fox ever really wanted to mess with liberals, they could put up one of these missing girl stories, and have it be about an average looking black girl from the deep south, say Missouri. Us lib types would be so freaked we'd spend the next week blogging our theories of what Fox was really up to while the Bushes could sneak an entire troop withdrawal by without us even noticing. Come on Fox, you know you want to try and mess with our heads. Give it your best shot. *smiles sweetly*

The Onion:

Missing Girl Probably Raped

"Live from the GNB Sports Desk" Tour de France coverage

v. The Onion:

Non-Doping Cyclists Finish Tour De France

The Onion

Non-Doping Cyclists Finish Tour De France

PARIS—A small but enthusiastic crowd of several dozen was on hand at the Tour de France's finish line on the Avenue des CHAMP-ELYSEES Tuesday to applaud the efforts of the 28 cyclists who completed the grueling 20-stage, 2,208.3-mile...

GNB's Goodbye, Karl-O

v. The Onion:
Heartbroken Bush Runs After Departing Roves Car

The Onion

Heartbroken Bush Runs After Departing Rove's Car

WASHINGTON, DC—"Why can't I go with him? When is he coming back?" a tearful President Bush asked advisers as Karl Rove's sedan disappeared over the horizon.

GNB coverage of GOP sex scandals:
Toasted...By Sweet Old Lady Mar-ma-laaaaaade...,
Republican Sex Kitten, and
The Arrow No Longer In Your Quiver

v. The Onion:
Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

The Onion

Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything-I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.

Can you really tell the difference? If you didn't know The Onion is satire?

Because if someone had told me years ago the GOP was really a bunch of gay dudes taking a dump on the Constitution (and apparently hookers) while torturing brown people kept in secret prisons against the Geneva Convention, and a quarter of the US population had preachers saying, "God says this is good, please contribute generously so we can drive out them homsexuuuuallls".... I would have believed it completely, actually. But I've always distrusted them lying weasels.

Early life exposure either confers immunity antibodies or gets you caught up for life. I caught the preaching part, but have antibodies for the whole hate part. Whew.

Although now that I think about it, I really did catch the whole, "love they neighbor as they self" the Bishop kept talking about. Funny -- my old church would just hate me. And my bisexual daughter. Sinners both of us, going to hell for sure. I've still got my best friends from growing up through. But we never talk politics or religion, ever. They mean way too much to me to lose. (My, that turned serious in a hurry.)

Humor or news. Getting damn hard to tell.