Ya Think?

Photo "Asinine Package Label" by Evan Robinson, 2014.02.16, Lawton, OK

There better be more than a "trace amount" of peanuts in my raw spanish peanuts.

(cross-posted from my personal blog Mischievous Ramblings II)

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What does that even mean?

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A Breather: Three Videos Going Around

...that will make you grin, at the very least.

From Bird Lovers Only:



From TremendousNews:



From Amphibian Avenger:

Meet the sloths from Amphibian Avenger on Vimeo.

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The Maryland Club Coffee Can Story

During the young years of their marriage, my parents moved often to small towns all over Texas and Louisiana, following my father's job. They had some money then, driving a late-model Chevy and using their vacation time to journey even more, visiting family here and there. But my father refused to shell out for restaurant food, so my mother packed sandwiches, pickles and pie to last the trip.

Daddy also hated to stop except when the car needed gas. He believed learning to "hold it" built character. Once my older brother passed the diaper stage, however, Mama pointed out a toddler simply wasn't capable of controlling their bodily functions for four hours at a stretch. Daddy's soluton was an empty Maryland Club coffee can in the back floorboard, that could be emptied at the next gas stop.

This practice was put to an unexpected test on a trip from Houma to Bowie when my parents were driving my grandmother Sook back home after an extended visit. Sook had a short fuse for nastiness, as she called it. When my brother had to use the can that afternoon, it turned into a #2 voiding, Mama assisting him in the back seat.

But it was winter and with the car windows rolled up, the odor from that can spread throughout the car. Sook, sitting in the front passenger seat, demanded my father find a place to pull over so it could be emptied, and my father kept refusing. Finally Sook rolled down her window, they thought to freeze out Daddy and force him to comply. Daddy set his jaw and ignored her, focusing on speeding up to pass a tractor-trailer rig.

Sook showed surprising agility by leaning over the seat, grabbing the offending can, and pivoting to hurl its contents out her open window without splashback. Unfortunately, she didn't notice the tractor-trailer rig now to her right and far enough behind our Chevy to take all of the coffee can's load -- so to speak -- full on the truck's windshield.

"Oops" said Sook. Mama, who told this story often, swore she would never forget the truckdriver's enraged face as he spit out his Skoal and pushed the accelerator to the floor while taking his first swerve at the Chevy. For the next half hour, Daddy tested the combustion ability of that newish car engine while Mama clung to my weeping brother and Sook leaned out the window trying to convey her apology via a sign language that Daddy said the truckdriver clearly interpreted as further derision.

They were finally rescued by the appearance of a rare hill on that two-lane blacktop, which slowed down the rig enough to allow Daddy to get far ahead. At the next town, he dove deep into a residential area and located a gas station on the outskirts, where everyone in the car used the facilites and Daddy restored his shot nerves with an unfiltered Camel followed by a bottle of Coke with Tom's peanuts poured into the neck.

After that, Daddy stopped when we had to go the restroom. He grumbled about it, but he pulled over.

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When Google Translate Fails...

Art can elucidate.

(This Modern World by Tom Tomorrow.)

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GNB Late Night: You won the gold and you have health care!

(Photo: Charles Dharapak / AP, from "The hockey sweater, White House style")

The hockey sweater, White House style:

Four of us Canadians stood together in the White House briefing room this afternoon for the big moment.

One wore a Canadian hockey jersey, one wore the now-famous red "Canada" mittens. We each wore smiles as our American colleagues teased us about the 'important' Canadian story.

The U.S. President's spokesman, Robert Gibbs, kept his Olympic hockey bet today with Prime Minister Harper's press secretary, Dimitri Soudas. Gibbs lost the bet, and so today he delivered on his end of it. Sort of.

He did indeed wear a Team Canada hockey jersey to the press briefing, as per the bet.

(Dimitri Soudas had the jersey delivered to Gibbs, generously adding the number 39 worn by Ryan Miller, the fine goalie for Team USA.)

Gibbs appeared in front of the room and before the live cameras to what sounded like good natured groans. He turned for the cameras, and explained how President Obama had instructed the U.S. Embassy to send a case of Molson Canadian (from Canada's oldest brewery) and a case of Yuengling (brewed in Pennsylvania, by the oldest beer maker in the U.S.) to the Prime Minister's office.

Gates then he removed the sweater and conducted most of the briefing in a Team USA jersey that he was wearing underneath the winning jersey.

The bulk of the briefing was about health care reform in the U.S.

One of the American reporters quipped to the Canadians, "you won the gold and you have health care!"

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GNB Late Night: Dante's Internet

(h/t No Cats On The Blog!)

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GNB Late Night: Religious Ad

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Just a Little Funny

Shoplifter Win - watch more funny videos

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Subtle Training Aid

I give you the "G Point Mouse", from Yanko Design. h/t Gizmodo

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GNB Late Night: Zombie Apocalypse

from The Oatmeal

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PSA: The Semicolon

From The Oatmeal:

The most common way to use a semicolon is to connect two independent clauses. For example:

"The ice cream truck man drove by my house today; he had big hairy knuckles."

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Acorn: a Lesson in History and Humor

Alternet has a great story today detailing the history of ACORN and efforts to help the poor.

The real purpose of the right's attacks on ACORN is to destroy a remarkably successful 50-year-old grassroots model for defending the poor and workers.- David Morris

Give it a read- I found it very illuminating.

Also if you want a laugh and you're a twitter-er go online and search for #acornfacts -- some very wonderful lefty bloggers are having a bit of fun giving Acorn the nefarious-and-ridiculous credit for the best and worst of human history. Stealing the thunder from the insane claims of the right. Very nice.

crosspost from FL

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Drobkin

h/t Old Jews Telling Jokes.

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Ricky Gervais and Elmo

Ricky Gervais and Elmo crack each other up.

This is a preliminary peek at an interview scheduled to air in November 2009 for Sesame Street's 40th Anniversary episode.

The producer has lost control of the interview. Instead of talking about charity, they turn to "what NOT to ever" talk about on Sesame Street. Heh.

Enjoy.

H/T Huffington Post.

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ELITE program to move to Canada!

Not

This

Time!

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Please Respond Immediately Forthwith In Confidence

Dear American:

I cordially correspond today to request you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude which is most seriously important.



I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused urgent need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion USD. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.



I am working with Mr. Phil Gramm, lobbyist for UBS, who (God willing) will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a former U.S. congressional leader and the architect of the PALIN / McCain Financial Doctrine, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. As such, you can be assured that this transaction is 100% safe.



This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred. For this inconvenience you will be rewarded with grand fees of 1/1,000,000th of 1% of possible profits due to off shore laundering of skim funds due to reprinting of said funds.



Please reply with mother's maiden name, routing and account numbers of all of your bank account, IRA, 401K, pension funds, gold and silver accounts, serial numbers of any weapons you own, and college fund accounts and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.



Please Respond Immediately Forthwith In Confidence.



Yours Faithfully and Sincerely,

Minister of Treasury Paulson

h/t Melina and Richard.



Now, let's get real.


Here's Ian Welsh.

Firedoglake

Chris Dodd Stares Down Paulson

So there was "Goldman" Hank, holding a gun on the economy and staring Congress down. "Give me the 700 billion, or the economy gets it!" he threatened. For two days it looked like he was going to get away with it, 700 billion dollars to spend on the Wall Street gang, the boys who'd already shot the economy up so bad it was in danger of bleeding to death.

Then Marshal Dodd came swinging through doors, shotgun in hand, and said "not so fast Hank. Put the gun down, and back away from the economy. We're going to do this my way."

For a moment calm reigned, then from off one side came a high pitched squeak, "you just put down that gun Dodd," said Bush as he leveled his blunderbuss "the Veto" at Dodd, "and you let my good friend Hank walk away with the money or I'll use this gun." He swivelled and instead of aiming it at Dodd, put its muzzle right against the economy's head. "I'll do it. Don't think I won't! I've killed an economy before!"

Hand still on the trigger, Dodd glanced over at Reid. The old man's fighting days, some said, were long gone. Dodd hoped Reid had one big fight left in him. If he didn't, the economy was done, and Paulson would get away, scot-free.

So yeah, the Dodd plan. Good plan. Buying up mortgages for 15% less than the current market value of the house, then reissuing a clean mortgage to homeowners helps the banks while still giving them a slight haircut (but only slight, odds are home prices will drop more than 15% before the slide is over.) It helps homeowners stay in their houses. It sets a market price so that banks know what mortgages are worth and thus what the derivatives based on houses are worth. And giving the mortgages bought to the FDIC, one of the few agencies that Bush didn't cripple, is genius.

Giving the government stock equal to the value of any bailout for the company is also only fair. If they get bailed out, taxpayers should have a chance to get their money back. If they don't like that, well, beggars, and they are beggars, shouldn't be choosers.

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If that wasn't enough, Ian kicks it again.

Firedoglake

What the Dodd Bill Needs To Be Complete

As much as I think the Dodd bill is a significant improvement over the Paulson power grab, and I do, it is missing a number of important things.

First, as Kay Hagan points out, the review portion seems to be missing teeth. If the review board doesn't like what the Secretary is doing, what can it do about it? Also, she's right that it needs to meet once a week, not once a month. This crisis is moving too fast for once a month.

Second, there doesn't seem to be any provision for paying for this beyond praying it'll eventually pay for itself. I don't see any good reason not to add in Bernie Sanders suggestion of a 10% surcharge tax on the Americans who earn over a million a year. They're the ones who benefited from the last 8 years, who benefited from the policies which caused this disaster, they're the ones who should pay to clean up the mess.

Next, the bill (Section 10) allows for insurance of money market funds but doesn't appear to require that if they fail anyway, they be taken over by the FDIC. This needs to be a bedrock principle, if you blow up your business, the government gets it, you don't get to keep it when in a free market you'd be bankrupt.

I also don't see any real re-regulation of the industry in this bill. That needs to occur, and it needs to be in the bill, because once Wall Street has their bailout they will fight against being properly regulated tooth and nail. This needs to include very strict rules not allowing the use of default insurance any more, getting rid of most different types of swaps, regulations limiting the use of securitization and limits on how debt in general can be sold. (In particular, debt should probably not be able to be sold more than once, and originators should be forced to keep at least half on their books to avoid them selling stuff they know is crap.)

Dodd needs to add an organization which has the right to regulate banks. This needs to be in badly.

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Call your Senator. They flat out ignore emails and there isn't time to write. CALL. Call today.

Look, I know we ask you sometimes to write or call about this or that. THIS IS THE NEXT 20 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE, FOLKS.

FUCK the Presidential elections. Fuck the Supreme Court.
DIS DA REVOLUTION, MAN.

Right fracking now.

Thirty, forty years, some of us have waited. Here it is. Today. RIGHT NOW.
We screw this up, we are slave fucking labor working for the MAN.
I mean the words I'm using.

Get on the phone.
Call your friends.
Call your family.
Call everyone you know.

Tell them to tell their Senators and Congressman...

HOLD THE LINE. Do not give an inch to the Republicans.
No one fucking inch.

• Support Dodd's plan.
  
• They broke it. They lose control of what happens now.
• No unelected official in charge.
  
• The government owns what it pays for.
• Middle-class people get their mortgages relieved also.
• Bankruptcy Judges can grant mortgage relief.
  
• People over $1 million can pay a 10% surcharge -- they've been making millions on our labor, fair is fair.
• Congress has oversight ongoingly. End of discussion.
• Screw up, go to jail. This is not "get out of jail free" boys. It's save the country, not you.
  
• And no fucking golden parachutes for CEOs, no way, no how.
• Make them pay.

HOLD THE LINE...
Or your grandchildren will still be paying these Republican crooks.
Pick up the phone -- make the call.

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What Did John McCain Invent?

#invented

You've heard the story. John McCain invented the Blackberry.

*cracks up*

It was Olberman's #1 story for the night.



This is a BIG deal. It's more of McCain and his staff lying.

It's lying 'cause they got nothing else.

Like the financial markets and the Bush administration, McCain is fracking bankrupt. All they have are lies, cover-ups, lies, dodging subpoenas -- Sarah Palin, I mean YOU, ya' fascist book-banning lying press-avoiding ignorant lousy mother -- lies, not knowing the names of Prime Ministers of friendly countries (Spain), lies, fear, POW POW POW, fear, 911 911 911, the economy is in GREAT shape and that it sucks is all Bush's fault, and more lies.

No wonder McCain is so fucked up. He's being asked to hold 20 different contradictory positions in public a day... and not in a thoughtful, nuanced, diplomatic way -- like say, Obama (or Darcy, with her Responsible Plan to end the war in Iraq) -- but in a desperate, "I got nothin'... whada' you got?" way. I almost can't blame the poor sap for being so wrong. Till I remember he's had over 30 years to get this right and he has full medical paid for by the Senate. Plus he's a PTSD case with a temper he refuses to learn to handle, he hates women, fucks over veterans, children, gays, lesbians, the middle class and the poor. Not to mention he's got a GREAT pension, a retirement plan, he's rich, and that's not counting his wife's money.

Furthermore McCain just hired the same ass-licker (Charlie Condon) on to his campaign who famously ran the whispering slur push poll campaign against McCain in 2000 in South Carolina, claiming McCain's adopted child, Bridget, from Asia was black and illegitimate. As The Nation points out, 'shortly after losing the 2000 election, McCain told an interviewer that there must be "a special place in hell" reserved for the rumormongers.' Truly there is NO low McCain will not plumb. From hiring the top lobbyists in the country to run his campaign, to hiring Karl Rove's hit man who personally attacked his daughter and wrecked his Presidential hopes in 2000, McCain is a liar with no integrity or honor.

Plus... John McCain invented the Blackberry. *cracks up*

Sidebar: Let's be serious

Makes you wonder... If McCain is lying about everything else... What is he hiding about his cancer? What won't he release in his medical records?

Seriously (just for a moment.) WHAT IS SO BAD ABOUT JOHN MCCAIN'S CANCER that he does not even dare LIE about it -- by releasing faked up medical records?

Think about it.

McCain is a pathological liar. He lies about everything, from the size of crowds, to inventing the Blackberry. He confesses to lies in front of reporters and on television, then goes back out on the stump and TELLS THE SAME LIES. He just can not stop himself. (Sarah Palin does the same, as does the McCain campaign staff. It's the trademark of the McCain campain: they all are liars.)

McCain will say ANYTHING to get elected.

Thus you have to wonder... Given what a liar McCain is, HOW BAD MUST HIS CANCER BE, if he can't even release faked medical records? If his underlying cancer, PTSD, and injuries are SO bad, that no matter what lies that put over the underlying 1,500+ pages, they simply can NOT cover up that he's going to die?

No wonder the religious nutbars are going all out for Palin. A chance to put someone in charge of Nuclear weapons who believes Adam, Eve, God, and Dinosaurs LITERALLY walked the earth 6,000 years ago (not 7,000... 'cause God rested on the 7th Day.)

*laughs*

John McCain #invented Dinosaurs, carbon dating AND the fossil record 6,000 years ago... just to mess with paleontologists.

Don't freak out though. It's more fun to make fun of them.


MoveOn PAC just told over 600,000 people to make fun of McCain...



Please help.

• Link to What Did John McCain Invent? That's http://johnmccaininvented.com/
• Also Twitter to: #invented
  

Examples:

• John McCain #invented speeding tickets. When you're busted doing 63 in a 60... McCain's to blame.
• #invented fear. McCain personally delivered fear to 30% of the country. Next month? War with Iran.

Each #invented on Twitter, flows to the site.

The more we push this meme into the general public -- John McCain invented the Blackberry -- the more McCain becomes an object of ridicule. Like Al Gore was mocked relentlessly for 'Invented the Internet'.

Big blogs are helping push the story. Please...

HELP US push What Did John McCain Invent? That's http://johnmccaininvented.com/
To #1 on Google.

Depending on how you search, we're already either at the top of page 2, bottom of page 1, or #1. The more everyone links to us, the sooner every search result lands as #1.

It may sound a little silly, but this is the kind of stuff which gets in people's heads and helps win elections. The more you link up, the more people will see this meme and the more it'll get out there to the Undecideds... which helps them make up their minds on Judgment Day, er, November 4th.

Thank you for all you do.

PS. Evan Robinson wrote the code. John McCain created the concept. I stayed up really late and made many some helpful suggestions.

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What Else Did John McCain Invent?

With the wild meme out there that John McCain invented the BlackBerry, we've created a site to collect other things that John McCain invented. Come on by and contribute to the list!

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A Different Definition of "Family" Than I'm Familiar With...

I really don't know what else to say about that.

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