Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Toasted...By Sweet Old Lady Mar-ma-laaaaaade...

C'mon Senator Vitter...Give us The Whole, Uh...You Know...Poop. Yick.

So, after a week of laying low, Louisiana Senator, and professional scold, David Vitter decided to come out of hiding...

AP—METAIRIE, La. - Sen. David Vitter on Monday denied having relationships with New Orleans prostitutes, a week after admitting links to a Washington escort service that federal prosecutors allege was a prostitution ring.

Vitter, emerging from a week of seclusion by appearing at a news conference in suburban Metairie with his wife, Wendy, at his side, denied the prostitution allegations and offered no indication that he would resign. He said he planned to fly Monday night to Washington to resume work in the Senate.


Telephone records show that the service called Vitter’s number five times from 1999 to 2001, while he was a U.S. representative.
The first-term Republican said he has worked hard on his marriage and on living by the values he has long espoused as a politician.

Davey! V-dog! Whassup, Holmes! Ain't seen you in a while. Oh man, please...ain't no thang! We know all about you being all caught up in the trick bag with them "nasty, ever-tempting-a-lonely-Gawd-fearin'-feller-in-D.C.-doing-the-people's-work" Hos. Honest-to-God, br'uh...we do understand how tough it's been on you—and just how much you need compassion and understanding at this trying time. I mean, hey—you have a long and storied tradition of empathy and consideration for your fellow politicos—especially those on the other side of the aisle, when the sexual part of their personal lives becomes a matter of...the public record, correct?

Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) first got his start in Congress after replacing former Rep. Bob Livingston (R-LA), who “abruptly resigned after disclosures of numerous affairs” in 1998. At the time, Vitter argued that an extramarital affair was grounds for resignation:

“I think Livingston’s stepping down makes a very powerful argument that Clinton should resign as well and move beyond this mess,” he said. [Atlanta Journal and Constitution, 12/20/98]

No. Absolutely not correct. But we knew that already, didn't we Davey? We know that you knew. Your statements above make your hard-line on this kind of stuff brutally apparent. So why, oh why did you play the little victim card...the poor assailed family man who's being harassed by the media card...the punk-ass bitch, hide out for a week, let the story metastasize, and how dare you follow me when I try to half-ass surface/duck out in Church card?

We know why you did it, Davey. You did it because you're bereft of any other option to defend yourself, you hypocritical bastard. Your whole reason for existence on the national political stage is based on the sexual peccadilloes you spoke so harshly of in December 1998. Here's the chain of events:

Summer/Fall of 1998: Newt Gingrich, the Speaker of the House opted to make the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal the lynchpin of the GOP's election strategy for the '08 Congressional elections. A whipped-up, wingnut wave of lemmings followed that fateful lead, culminating in a disastrous five-seat loss for the republicans--cementing them as the party of snuffling around the nation's collective crotch, like horny, aggressive dogs. Gingrich took the blame for it, amidst the discovery of his own hypocritical, extramarital, um...stuff, and was forced out as Speaker.

Late Fall/Early Winter of 1998: Gingrich's near-successor as Speaker, Bob Livingston, GOP Representative from Louisiana steps down (as Speaker-Elect, and from the House itself months later) because he too would be busted on sexual hypocrisy during congressional debate over the Clinton impeachment. Adultery, kid outta wedlock, shit like that.

Spring 1999: You David Vitter, a Louisianan, are elected to the House of Representatives in a special election to replace...wait for it...the disgraced Bob Livingston, and you would ride that bit of serendipity all the way to becoming a U.S. Senator from Louisiana five years later—but mouthy fuck that you are, you couldn't even wait to become a House Rep before you opened your big, fat, fork-tongued yapper on Clinton's problems.

Shall we replay your words from December of 1998 again? What're you gonna do? Stop me?

Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) first got his start in Congress after replacing former Rep. Bob Livingston (R-LA), who “abruptly resigned after disclosures of numerous affairs” in 1998. At the time, Vitter argued that an extramarital affair was grounds for resignation:

“I think Livingston’s stepping down makes a very powerful argument that Clinton should resign as well and move beyond this mess,” he said. [Atlanta Journal and Constitution, 12/20/98]

See, your little performance before the cameras yesterday didn't, and won't help you out of the K-Y greased hole you find yourself in, buddy. Playing the role of the angry, besieged pissy-pants in the face of your well-known public stance as some sort of moral avatar scans badly, pard'nuh. You've spent your entire public life as a moral scold—buttressing every Victorian, bedroom-checking policy put out by the right—all the while apparently living the freaky-deak in private.

As the link denotes...quite the nasty freaky-deak too. Bleah. :(

Which is doubly ugly, since you even trotted your wife out to rag about Clinton and Hillary and their marital troubles before you even made it to the Senate. Here's that bullshit:

Asked by an interviewer in 2000 whether she could forgive her husband if she learned he'd had an extramarital affair, as Hillary Clinton and Bob Livingston's wife had done, Wendy Vitter told the Times-Picayune: "I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary. If he does something like that, I'm walking away with one thing, and it's not alimony, trust me."

And you trotted her out there today, blocking for you like an Ann Taylor-clad Rocky Bleier—taking the direct hits, and clearing the way for your prima-donna ass, lest you actually sully yourself in the muddy field. You cheap, mealy-mouthed punk. How terribly brave of you. So spare us the anger about the so-called invasion of your privacy—a privacy you would deny virtually anyone else. Fuck your upset that people camped out near your house, or waited for you when you hid in church. You couldn't wait to get to a microphone when you were ragging Clinton—even before you got to the House, and you seemed to have one surgically attached to your chin during your recent immigration bill demagoguery. If the press is actually bugging your kids—that's wrong, but if you are—and I seriously think you are—using your family, and church as a shield to hide from scrutiny, then you deserve every bit of hell you're getting—times five. You're a coward in addition to being a hypocrite.

And the reason the crowd is dogging you outside the windmill, with torches and pitchforks is because of that rank hypocrisy. There are few things that people love more than seeing a tongue-clucking scold like you hoisted on his own diaper-clad, holier-than-thou petard. You did it to yourself, dog. You helped set the new rules that are now tearing off chunks of your own ass.

You were part of the mob that went after Clinton and anybody who didn't fit into your narrow, and ultimately superficial view of what was tolerable, and supposedly good. You went after gays like a fucking pit bull, judging them as people based on what they do in the bedroom. That was okay as far as you were concerned.

But as soon as the worm turned--as soon as the GOP came into full power in 2001, all of a sudden, it was poor form to judge a politician based on his or her sexual doings. Let's put all the Clinton uglinees behind us, why don't we?, your side implored—until John Kerry was running for President and the Eggman Drudge along with a flying wedge of right-wingers tried to scuttle his candidacy with rumors of an affair. Remember that, Davey? Maybe not...as it was right in the middle of your "pay-for-hey-hey" heyday.

And now, speaking of "pay-for-hey-hey" ...I'm gonna get a little grimy on you, son. Man-to-man, okay? There's...um, really no other way to say this, except to just say it—You're quite the sad, little, bitch-ass having to pay for your na-na, ain'tcha? Big-time, hot-shot Senator—whoo-hoo! One of a hundred...and with all that alleged prestige, and power, you found yourself having to, in the words of De La Soul—"Pay a fare, a fee? Word to the D." You are pitiful, man. Even with the so-called aphrodisiac that is nearness to power in the halls of the Capitol, you couldn't just...pull it? On the straight macho tip Davey, that is just embarrassing. Hey, maybe that's what's got you so angry—getting caught out there as such a feeb. And on the subject of anger about all this, I see one of your few defenders, Tucker Carlson, has his little, brown schnozz totally out of joint about this delving into the sexual lives of politicians all of a sudden— your case in particular. This, from one of the point-man panty-sniffers during the '98 impeachment debacle?

What's up with that? He's been hard-core on this since the D.C. Madam story broke. Got a dog in this hunt, Tucky? Your name gonna come up? Other people you know in the Beltway chattering class? Could the issue be that based on what you hear on the Georgetown fondue-party circuit, your buddies on the right constitute the vast majority of who's on the "John" list? Is that what Jim DeMint, another microphone-addicted mega-prude meant when he uttered this cryptic statement?

“We all think that we’re not vulnerable to something like that happening,” [Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.)] said, “but the fact is this can be a very lonely and isolating place to be away from your family. So I’m certainly not going to judge him because I don’t want that kind of pressure on me.”

I know, Davey...you think I'm just picking at you—fucking with you because I can. Well, that would be wrong.

I'm fucking with you because you need to be fucked with on this. You spent your entire career smearing people with shit and screaming, "Oooooh! Look at those horrible. shit-covered people!", then when you get caught with it smeared all over you, all of a sudden, its "I find it reprehensible that we would judge people because they're covered with excrement!". Care to know what all the hub-bub is about with all this? Oh please...you know Goddamned well what it's about, Pamper-boy.

It's about your and your party's overbearing, moral hypocrisy, idiot.

Gingrich and his "head" games. Foley and his "protect the kids" cover.

Now you. And whatever it is you—yecch!—do behind closed doors .

There's a simple, little equation folks down here on the ground find as easy to understand as 1 + 1 = 2, Davey. Wanna hear it? Here it go: Overly Pious + Demagoguery + Power = Biggest Freak You've Ever Seen.

And um...just for the record, I hear you're denying going to that brothel in New Orleans. Does that mean...that you didn't have sex with any of the hookers there, or is that to be parsed to mean whatever happened with them didn't happen on the premises?

You know... as in outcalls?

Inquiring minds want to know—for the sake of the sanctity of marriage in America, that is. :)