Saturday, January 5, 2008

All Britney All the Time

Britney Spears outside her LA home Thursday night. photo AP.

Britney Melts Down, Hospitalized, Loses Full Custody

How many pop stars does it take to change a light-bulb?


They just hold on to the bulb, while the rest of the world revolves around them.

Reality caught up to Britney Spears Thursday.

The New York Times

To recap, Ms. Spears apparently spent several hours last night refusing to hand over her two children, of whom she does not have custody, to her ex-husband, Kevin Federline, who does, or to the police who were called to the scene. She was then carried out of her home on a gurney and put in an ambulance, all in easy viewfinder range of paparazzi, to be taken to a hospital, where nothing was said of her condition, though a police officer who was at the house said she was observed to be under the influence of … well, something or other. Tests for illicit drug use are said by one gossip magazine to have come back negative today.

Moreover, Mr. Federline’s lawyers requested an emergency custody hearing, and persuaded the court to suspend her visitation rights in an order handed down this afternoon. Ms. Spears’s lawyers, meanwhile, no longer want to represent her, after she blew off one scheduled deposition and showed up more than an hour late for another, only to skip out again after 15 minutes. She has also ditched court dates, defied court orders, and gotten herself in one vehicular-related legal scrape after another over the past year.

The latest antics are quite a kickoff to the new year for the Spears family, which wound up the old one in signature style with Ms. Spears’s 16-year-old sister Jamie Lynn announcing she was pregnant by selling the story to a gossip magazine, evidently before she had told her big sister. The fallout from that little bit of business continued today with reports that Nickelodeon may give in to the storm of demands from parents that it cancel Jamie Lynn’s kidvid TV series, “Zoey 101,” even though the third-season finale has yet to air and the whole fourth season is already completed and ready.

That’s a notable data point: Not only have many average folks had it up to here with the Spearses, their media-conglomerate patrons may be running out of patience, too.

You can detect the glee draining out of the saturation coverage, even if the cameras have yet to turn their gaze away. A Seattle Post-Intelligencer blog post asks whether Ms. Spears is insane. People magazine rounds up experts to tut-tut about the hole she has dug herself and the possibility that she will lose access to her toddler sons for good. Clarence Page built his column on Wednesday on the fish-in-a-barrel angle: the Spearses, he wrote, make it altogether too easy to condemn them.

Taking note of court papers saying Ms. Spears burns through every penny of her $737,000 monthly income, a U.S. News & World Report blog post today even advises her to manage her money better.

This passage drew a smile and a nod:
Think about retirement. No, it’s not too early
Oh, we don't know about that...

What with the opportunity for the GNB Gossip Desk to run stories such as:

Britney Spears Loses Kids To Federline Due To Drugs & Alcohol


Good Girl Syndrome: Why Jamie Lynn Spears is Knocked Up

You Spears girls are reliable. We can count on you for a story.

At least Vanessa Hudgens -- Vanessa Hudgens Naked -- has the sense not to make a repeat appearance. (Damn.)

Britney. Your life is fucked up. People make fun of you. And even though here at the GNB Gossip Desk we try and be thoughtful and caring (unlike the catty folks at the other gossip rags) well, we're kind of sick of your shit.

Grow up Britney.

Check yourself in for serious treatment and don't come out till you're better.

'Cause seriously, soon it won't be an ambulance taking you to the hospital.