Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Won't You Come Home Bill Donohue, Won't you Come Home?

Or, “A Good Batshit Winger Is Hard To Find...When There's A Story He Doesn't Want Talked About”

But talk about it we will! I's perfect! It's got sex, it's got crime, it's got a police dashcam video...

...oh yeah, and stuffed-in fake boobs, a pleather mini-skirt, and likes to cruise for tricks (as a hooker!) when he isn't at his nine-to-five—as a principal at a Louisville Catholic High School.

Via Cliff at Brave New Films: and The Smoking Gun:

Meet Paul Schum. The Kentucky man, a Catholic school principal, is facing a prostitution charge after Louisville police found him dressed like a woman and loitering in an alley Tuesday night.

According to a criminal citation, a copy of which you'll find here,, Schum, 50, was wearing fishnet stockings, fake breasts, and “all black leather” when officers discovered him “loitering in high drug trafficking and prostitution area.” The citation notes that Schum, who heads Bethlehem High School, had “no reason for why he was in alley...dressed up in women's leather other than for prostitution.” Schum, now on paid leave from his school post, is due in court on November 27 to answer a misdemeanor charge of loitering for the intent of prostitution.

Ohhhhh...we're being mean, I guess. Perhaps we should give the stiletto-ed “headmaster” (will I go to hell for saying that?) the benefit of the doubt, and take his lawyer's word for the real deal behind who what went down:

“..this gentleman's lawyer has stated that he owns rental property in that area and had been dressed for a Halloween party and for some reason (lacking common sense) he decided to go check on the property since he was in the area while still dressed up.”

Yes. That'll work!

But strangely, I can't find hide, nor a single, greasily combed-over hair of the spluttering, Christofascist nutjob William Donohue on this issue! Where is he? It's damn near holiday time—isn't there a “War On Christmas” on that he should be fighting with his candy-cane sword and mantle-cookie shield? I mean...shouldn't he be all over this issue, like clingy, faux-patent leather all over a 50-year-old dude's sweaty ass? I'm sure he's seen the video of the—yeccch!—arrest, right?

Really, Now!

Where in the name of angry bloggers and milk-chocolate Jesus can that man be?

Maybe he's lying in a gutter somewhere, injured.

Or perhaps he's laid up in a hospital bed, lost and disoriented...after an unfortunate, accidental run-in with one of those Godless, mocking celebrities?

Damn you Conan O'Brien...what hath you wrought?