Comic: xkcd.com -- Click on comic to see full size
Beat Me Hurt Me Make Me Write Bad Checks
Meet the Press January 24, 1999, Sunday 9:00 AMYou know some of those Republican closet cases would just love to have Bill discipline their ass. Ever watch CSPAN wondering what the Republican side of the aisle is day-dreaming?
MR. RUSSERT: Larry Craig, would you want the last word from the Senate be an acquittal of the president and no censure?
SEN. CRAIG: Well, I don’t know where the Senate’s going to be on that issue of an up or down vote on impeachment, but I will tell you that the Senate certainly can bring about a censure resolution and it’s a slap on the wrist. It’s a, "Bad boy, Bill Clinton. You’re a naughty boy."
The American people already know that Bill Clinton is a bad boy, a naughty boy.
I’m going to speak out for the citizens of my state, who in the majority think that Bill Clinton is probably even a nasty, bad, naughty boy.
The question issue now is simply this: Did he lie under oath? Did he perjure himself and did he obstruct justice? And that’s where we’re trying to go now in this truth-seeking process. And I hope we can get there. And then I’m going to have the chance to decide and vote up or down on those articles. After we’re through with this impeachment trial, it’s collapsed, it’s gone, then the Senate will make a decision on if it’s a censure or not.
"Oh, Mr. Clinton, um, Mr. President! Is this the Lincoln Bedroom? Could we go to the Oval? In my fantasies, we're always on your desk in the Oval. Or maybe in the Situation Room with all those Generals watched by Sergeants with their big guns strapped on to their tight, tight uniforms. I've been such a bad, bad Senator, Mr. President. I've been naughty. Punish me, Bill. Spank me. Spank me. Spank me harder. Whip me with your Unitary Executive Powers. Mount an incursion into my interior. Inspect me for duel-use weapons. Search for my supergun. Destroy me, you nasty man. Insert your Big Dog into my entry port as the occupying power, ravage my ancient treasures and violate Geneva over and over again. Order your strike force to take me hard and fast from behind. Oh Mr. President -- I think I love you."
Hat tip: Arch Pundit