Friday, July 13, 2007

Sharp Objects Galore, Sharp Objects Galore!

I Called The Shivs and Shanks...But I Couldn't Think Of An "S" Word For Flying Fire Axes.

Aaaaaaaah, I wish it was about my being "right" on what Rudy was gonna face from his "enemies". I ain't that good. So let's get a few things off the table, right now.

I will not give you tomorrow's winning Lotto numbers.

I cannot tell you the suit or number of the card you pulled from the deck and have secreted in your back pocket.

My 401K's performance in no way reflects any sort of "special vision" that I may have in picking high-performing stocks. Trust me, my "special vision" blows funky donkey nads, and has for the last year. :(

And it did not--repeat DID NOT take a clairvoyant to see what was "laying in the cut" for Rudolph Giuliani insofar as real, and vicious enemies who want to, and can scuttle his campaign.

In fact, if you bopped Stevie Wonder unconscious, put ear muffs on him, drugged him and tossed him in a steamer trunk, and then threw that trunk in a sensory deprivation tank for the last six months, and released him from it only last Friday, the first thing he'd have said after "Howsabout...something to eat." would have been, "Oh, and Rudy's fucked. He's got too many people who REALLY hate his ass and have awful stories to tell about him."

It was that obvious. And with the latest blowgun attack from the bushes (H/T from commenter "me", yesterday) , it's been confirmed, damned convincingly that he's got a supremely tough road ahead--and from the way this particular barb is sticking, maybe even tougher than even I predicted. And I predicted a tough one.

(CBS) NEW YORK : The International Association of Firefighters has gone on the offensive against "America's Mayor" Rudy Giuliani, releasing a 13-minute video that viciously rips into the former New York mayor, who has been using his leadership demonstrated on September 11th to urge people around the country to support him in his quest to become President of the United States.

The video, released early Wednesday evening, is titled "Rudy Giuliani: Urban Legend," and offers testimonials from various members of the organization and family members of firefighters lost in the terror attacks.

“We have the remains of dead heroes at the garbage dump because of Giuliani and his administration and they’re still there today and they won’t remove them,” claims FDNY Deputy Chief Jim Riches on the DVD, which was released to CBS 2 HD before its public debut.

It was joked by another e-mailer that I should amend the headline of my Rudy post from a few days ago. I'm gonna let it stand as it was then--no update or change to the original post itself. But just for fun's sake, let's play with it here, in this post, shall we?

"Shivs To The Left Of Me, Shanks To The Right...And A Spinning Fireman's Axe Right Down The Middle." Ow.

But if I may, I'd like to re-visit that post to for a minute to highlight a couple of things I wrote in it.

"You see, like Superman, our so-called "hero" has a peculiar weakness--and a devastatingly ironic one at that. The bane of Supes's existence was the poisonous, jettisoned mineral remnants of Krypton, the homeworld that birthed him. Litle pieces of Kryptonite = death. The bane of Rudy's existence is that which made him as well--at least as a national figure even worth considering as presidential timber--namely, that fateful day of September 11th.

Or rather, its remnants. Remnants like the pissed-off 9-11 firefighters and WTC dust-affected downtowners who've begun taking Rudy and the "Rudy Myth" to task."

----------------------------------------------------------------------'s been a little crammed lately with all fucked-up things Rudy. Like how today--July 1st--Steven Cassidy, the head of the United Firefighter's Association pledged to "end any hope" for Giuliani's becoming President by citing Rudy's failing the city and its firefighters and "wandering around the city" that day without making sure that police and firefighters could communicate. "We will make it known that he is not qualified to lead."

...Howsabout, if you think the Edwards "I'm So Pretty", and Hillary "1984" video mash-ups were something, just wait 'til you see what a few enterprising New Yorkers who know the stories, have access to the video (it's all over the web), and some simple editing software are gonna toss out there into Rudy's grille. Why...there's a chance I might even run across some of these folks in my travels! :)

9-11. The Firefighters. Video and the Internet. The three Weird Sisters from Macbeth, brewing up a vile potion of campaign doom.

And still, Donna Hanover hasn't even arched an eyebrow yet. Damn.

As even the greenest of students of military history can attest, hell, even a casual observer who's only seen war play out as it has in the Iraq debacle will tell you, you can only fight a war on so many fronts. Rudy's got more directions to fend off attacks from than there are on a Goddamned compass. As stated in the original post, his own home (NY) can kill him.

The first teary ad from a widowed survivor of a "pile" worker who didn't get a respirator mask because Rudy found them to be an off-putting public image.

The fateful day 343 NY Firefighters (The same number as was lost in the hell of September 11th) show up at a fundraiser, or speech venue in New York, clad in Black--clutching candles in deathly silent vigil.


I can't lie,'s been fun watching his "defenders" like Tucker and Tweety, (who looked while discussing it like a just-eaten cow-pie was coming back on him...badly) try to spin the thing for ol' Razor Lips. Wanly, they ran from the facts in the IAF (International Association of Firefighters) video and could only natter pitifully about how "Uh...but these guys who did the video...uh...don't speak for the whole union, so uh...doesn't count! Doesn't count! No punch-backs!"

Neither of 'em could fuck with the points it raised--the white elephant of a control bunker (in Seven World Trade! of all places), the dragging of Rudy's Payless-clad feet over seven years of hell-raising about the shitty radios the FDNY was stuck with, and that failed them that deadly day.

Oh yeah, and how he yanked 'em off the pile doing remains recovery a mere 24 hours after a major financial institution's gold was finally found in the rubble.

Feel free to let out a six-second, Chris Tucker from "Friday", "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmnnnn!"

It's just begun. These are the first blows. They're hurting him.

And I, for one am enjoying every synaptic burst of impulses to his pain centers. He's done that much dirt in this town. So it's popcorn time for "the kid" here. Get a big ol' can---or score a case of the good microwave-able stuff. That's right--a case, 'cause you're gonna be in the theater a while watching this one play out. And it's gonna be good.

And one last thing--while we're talking about snacks here--as a reward for my lame-ass clairvoyance on this, I actually would gladly accept...a cookie. As in "Whaddya want? A cookie?" I can get down with that. One really good, top quality cookie.

Peanut Butter. Soft-baked. But just one, okay? I don't wanna spoil my appetite for all that yummy popcorn. Thanks. Yum. :)