Saturday, September 15, 2007

Taken To School

“W-why do ah hafta see the' Principal? Ah have all th' homework in m' Toby Keith Trapper Keeper! Really!”

Found myself hanging out helping a friend, one of my oldest friends, “D”, who's a teacher, with some Photoshop work on a project.

As we talked while I mouse-clicked away, the subject of Bush's speech, and his “late-in-the-day” promises of troop drawdowns came up. “D's” a military historian as well as an educator—and a damned brilliant military historian at that—but he kept his teacher's hat on for the discussion, and son-of-a-bitch if he didn't nail Bush's “Post-Surge” idiocy perfectly.

D: “Day late and a dollar short with all the 'I'm gonna reduce troop levels' shit. Trying to give his Republican buddies room to breathe for the election. Too late.

He's like one of those lazy-ass kids I end up with every year. Won't do shit the whole year, a total flunk-out in-progress from jump. May comes and they know they're gonna fail unless there's a miracle—so, they try to make a miracle. Stay up till 3 a.m. one night doin' a whole buncha homeworks, But half-assed. Buncha loose leaf sheets fulla sketchy shit and chicken scratch. Not even the whole assignments. And-(laughing)-and, they'll do 'em all with the same Goddamn blue pen that skips—so I know they just roughed some shit off at the last minute!. Straight-up, last-minute bullshit, trying to save their asess—and they hand it in to me, expecting me to go for the okey-doke. (Laughs again)

And then, I give 'em a big, fat red 'F'. Tryin' to run the game on somebody.

President gets an 'F'. Wait till the last minute, and hand in some insulting bullshit like that? 'F's the grade, baby!”

Only thing he left out was the flop-sweat droplets on all the pages, and telltale blinking while the desperate, lazy punk is explaining his last minute “miracle”.

Too late to ram through a “No President Left Behind” program, eh?