Showing posts with label The Minstrel Boy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Minstrel Boy. Show all posts

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Coyote Story


Coyote Turns Himself Blue, Marries His Own Daughter, Becomes Ga'an, Steals Fire By Accident

A very long time ago, Bluebirds used to be white. Bluebird went to Yo'sn (God of the Mountains) and asked to be made into a different color. Yo'sn taught Bluebird a song, and gave him the instructions saying "Sing your song in the morning, then, just as the sun rises, dive into the lake and swim underneath the water from east to west. Next day sing your song and swim from south to north, then the next day swim from west to east, and lastly, swim from north to south. By the end of the last swim you will be as blue as the sky, as blue as deep water."

Coyote overheard all of this because he was up in the mountains practicing being sneaky. He watched Bluebird turning into the beautiful blue color and decided "I would be a pretty coyote if I were to be turned blue." So he did exactly as Bluebird had done and became just as pretty a shade of blue.

Coyote went all over showing off. He kept making up new names for himself, after all, something that bright blue and beautiful couldn't be named just plain old Coyote, that wouldn't do at all. He told people that his name was going to be "Sky Blue Beauty" or "Wonderful Blue Coat." He was very proud of his new color. He didn't notice anything at all that was happening to anybody else. One morning he was shown two children who had died during a very cold night, because this happened so long ago that none of the people in the world had any fire to keep them warm. Coyote didn't care about that a bit. He just said "Blue Coyotes are too beautiful to be bothered." He thought to himself "I should go visit my family and show them how beautiful I am." So he did.

Coyote's wife was not impressed in the slightest. She kept thinking up all the reasons that being a bright shade of blue would make life harder for everybody else. She said things that made Coyote angry and sad. Things like "How is somebody that bright a blue color going to be able to hunt? " or "Next you'll be telling me that bright blue colored coyotes are too beautiful to work at farming squash or corn."

Coyote was only a hit with his favorite daughter. She followed him everywhere, smiling and laughing. She would call out to her friends and say "See my father? See that beautiful blue?"

Coyote decided that he would trick everybody in the world and since his wife didn't appreciate him anymore, he would marry his own daughter.

The first thing he did was to take an old and rotten piece of liver and sew it up next to where his own liver would have been. He then came staggering into his lodge, moaning and groaning and making a big show of how badly he was hurt. He told his wife "Wife my dear, I've been hurt very bad." She asked "Who did this?" Coyote said "It really doesn't matter does it? I'm done for. I'm going to die."

He told his wife "I'm going to go and climb up into that tree over there. Don't climb up after me, just go and sweep under the tree every day. When the worms fall down on the ground underneath the tree you will know I am dead and gone."

Coyote's wife said she would do all those things for him. Coyote then said "Our daughter Dahti'ye (hummingbird), after I am dead and gone, you should have her marry the stranger who comes to our lodge bringing four fresh killed deer, one for each direction."

Coyote didn't die at all. Instead he stuck the rotten meat up in the branches of the tree where nobody could see it, then he went off and hid himself away. Each day Coyote's wife came and swept underneath the branches of the tree just as she had promised. One day, the meat was so very rotten that the worms had begun to fall upon the ground.

Now, even though Coyote was vain, a liar, a braggart, and always playing one trick or another, or working on yet another scheme to avoid his share of the work while getting more than his share of the food, Coyote's wife began to weep. She gathered all her children together and told them that their father was dead. That they would all have to go on as best that they could.

Coyote's children all did just that. They doubled their efforts at helping their mother. The older ones took good care of the younger ones, the boys all worked extra hard, doing chores and hunting for food. The girls all worked at their own tasks. Dahti'ye even began to hunt herself. She would go out with a sling, and a bow and bring in small game at first. But as she got stronger and smarter about hunting she began to bring in deer and antelope too.

One day, just like Coyote had told his wife would happen, a stranger came walking up to the lodge. He was hauling four fresh killed deer behind him. He called and said to Coyote's wife "See these deer? I want the family of the great Coyote to have them so that they will not be hungy. There is one deer for each direction. It makes a circle doesn't it?"

That wasn't a stranger at all, it was Coyote. He had gone out into the woods and smeared himself all over with pitch, then he rolled in the dirt so that he was not looking like he was a beautiful blue anymore. When he felt good and disguised he went to his own home, he was going to marry his own daughter.

Coyote knew that this was a violation of Sacred Law. That there are laws which apply to all humans and go beyond custom. To lie with a daughter or sister, to be with anyone you call family is a violation of Sacred Law. Coyote didn't care anymore. He thought that because he could make himself turn blue, and because he was so clever at figuring out ways to get around all the other laws that things like Sacred Law did not apply to him.

He brought his gifts of freshly killed deer. He had his daughter's relatives who thought he was dead build a new lodge. He made other gifts and took his own daughter's hand in marriage.

That night in their lodge when Dahti'ye went to touch her husband, her hand came away dirty. She recoiled from that. She told her husband to go and to wash himself before he came to her bed. Coyote thought real fast and told her "I come from people very far away, our customs say that we never wash our bodies. It would anger our gods."

Dahti'ye told him that he was living with her people now, that he needed to learn their customs, which include washing themselves when they are filthy. Coyote promised to try and learn. He asked for a kiss and was told to go wash himself first. Coyote got very angry and stomped outside to go sleep in the moonlight.

Dahti'ye waited until he was fast asleep and brought out a basin of water and some yucca root to begin washing her husband. She wanted to be a good wife. She carefully washed one foot clean, and she saw the bright blue fur and skin that was underneath the pitch and the dirt.

She ran fast to bring her mother and show her what had happened. She told her mother "Look! Look there at the blue fur and skin there. I have married my own father! What can I do for this?"

Coyote's wife hit him hard with a stone, right on top of his head. She didn't kill him though, she went and got the chief of the people and they decided that they should call upon Monster Slayer. Monster Slayer came right away. The people told him "Coyote has turned into a monster. He doesn't follow the right ways. You should take him back to the other gods and deal with him."

That's what Monster Slayer did. He brought Coyote to Yo'sn, who was up in his mountains with Monster Slayer's mother Spider Woman, and his brother Cornstalk. They had heard what Coyote had tried to do.

Spider Woman was very angry. She told Yo'sn "Coyote has gone beyond the laws of gods and men. It is time to kill him and put his soul in a bottle like the souls of the other monsters."

Cornstalk said "Coyote is a little crazy. Most of the time that is something that turns out good for everybody. He only wanted to break the Sacred Law, but he was caught before anything unredeemable could happen."

Monster Slayer said "Coyote is my cousin. If my cousin is a monster what would that make me?"

Yo'sn was thinking very deeply about all that he had heard and seen. Yo'sn's sister the Moon swung very low in the sky and began to sing a beautiful song. In her song she said "Coyote is a lot of trouble. He is also a lot of use for us. We have all used Coyote when it served our purpose. He can find purpose again. He has indeed broken Sacred Law and there must be payment made or balance can never be counted upon in our world. Without that balance we would all be lost, gods and human beings alike. Coyote, the breaker of Sacred Law, must die. His soul should become Ga'an (ghost). Let him wander as Ga'an and see the way that the things of the Sacred all work together and depend one upon the other. Don't put away his soul forever. He has gone far away from us, but he can come back if he is shown the beautiful way."

Coyote came awake about then. He sniveled and begged for another chance. He promised that he would be good and beautiful from now on. Yo'sn told him to be quiet for once. Yo'sn explained to Coyote what Moon had proposed. He said that his sister was very wise and that Coyote should be grateful to her for saving his miserable life, again.

Monster Slayer went ahead and killed Coyote. He didn't bottle up his soul like the souls of Big Bad Owl, or Cannibal Elk, or the Grizzley Bear Monster. Coyote's soul became Ga'an. He began to wander the earth looking at things and trying to learn.

He remembered the people who were dying and freezing at night in the cold and he went up to where Spider Woman was weaving time at her loom and asked her "Is there anything I can do to help the people who are dying from the cold?"

Spider Woman thought for a long time. Finally she said "I have heard that there are beings who dance with fire, they are very far away to the north. They have mountains that they tend which spit out fire and make the earth shake. You can go there and see if they might give you some fire. Don't think that just because you do one good thing everything will be alright again. You broke Sacred Law nephew. Once that has happened, everything changes. This is as it should be. You will need to understand a lot more before you are allowed to live again."

Coyote said "You never liked me much did you auntie?"

Spider Woman said "You are silly. You talk too much. You lie when the truth would do just fine, and it's not because of anything to a purpose or anything but that you are a liar. You cheat when you gamble. You get married every place you stay for more than a month. You drink too much and you do stupid things. I think, deep inside you though, you have a goodness. You are my sister's boy. You're right, there are times when I don't like you at all. Then, I think of my beautiful and kind sister. Even when I don't like you I love you."

Coyote went to where the Fire Spirits were living. He hung around them for a while and watched what they were doing. He asked them if there was a way that he could take fire to the humans. They told him that fire was their own special creation, that it was something they tended which would keep the earth's body alive. They told him that it was something they would never give to humans. It was too powerful for puny creatures like humans.

Coyote just bided his time. He waited until the Fire Spirits weren't looking and he went to go and steal their fire. Since he was Ga'an though, he didn't have a body. Worst of all, even without a body, the fire still burned him.

He went back to Spider Woman and told her what he had seen. She asked him "Well, nephew, have you made a plan?" Coyote said "I can't think of anything I can do. I don't have a body and I can't steal anything from them."

Spider Woman had her own plan. She told Coyote to go back to the Fire Spirits and try to learn more things. She went behind him to watch a see if Coyote would do what she thought he would do.

Coyote did. He was Ga'an but he was Ma'atose Ga'an. Even when he tried really hard he couldn't be anything but what he was. He tried at first to be nice to the Fire Spirits. He told them about the suffering that was taking place because the humans had no fire. The Spirits told him that this was not their concern. They only cared about their fire. Coyote began to call them names. He pointed out all the times and all the places where the Spirits lost control of their fire. He told them of whole forests that would burn when they played their fire arrow games and how when that happened everything was destroyed until the Cloud Spirits could gather and put out the fires. He told them about the times when their fire mountain would blow up and ruin the whole region around them. How when that happened it took earth generations to heal itself. He kept at them. The Fire Spirits got madder and madder at him. They told him to go away and leave them alone. Coyote said "I am Ga'an, I go where I want and I do what I want. I think that I will spend a long time up here. Haunting stupid, silly Fire Spirits."

The Fire Spirits started taking big sticks out of their fire. Whenever Coyote said something mean they would throw them at him. Because he was Ga'an, the fire went right through him.

This was what Spider Woman was waiting for. She took out a special coat she had woven and threw it over Coyote. It settled over him and made it just like he had a body again. Coyote didn't notice anything, he just kept heckling the Fire Spirits who kept getting madder and madder. The next time they threw their burning sticks at him he caught fire all over.

Coyote saw that he was on fire, but he also saw that only Spider Woman's coat was burning. It was hot, but it wasn't going to hurt his Ga'an soul. He began to run away.

All the way to the mountains where the humans lived Coyote ran. He saw Squirrel and he shook out some sparks onto Squirrel's back He told her to take that fire to the people of the Canyons. It burned Squirrel badly to do so, but she did. Once she had given it to the people she put the fire out with her tail, and to this day Squirrel's tails all curl up like they did when she beat out the last of the fires.

Just before he got to the mountains Coyote saw Chipmunk. He shook off three coals of fire and told Chipmunk to take them to the Hopi people of the mesas. Chipmunk did that. When he got to the mesas he rolled around in some grass to shake off the coals. It made three stripes down his back that you can see on every Chipmunk still today.

Coyote was still burning when he got to the people. He tried to light fires for them directly from his coat, but the fires wouldn't catch.

Finally he understood. He took off the coat that Spider Woman had made and give it to the people. He was Ga'an again, but the people now had fire. He told them that he would go back to the Fire Spirits and he would learn how to make fire from nothing. He told the people to keep their fires burning until he got back to teach them how to make them.

As soon as fire was in their lives, the way people lived got a lot better. The Canyon people began to build cities where they would live and trade and be protected from their enemies. The Hopi began to build their pueblos on the mesas.

Coyote had more time to spend as Ga'an. He had a lot to learn. He never gave up and he never quit trying to learn and be better.

He tried to be good. He tried to do everything right and do his walk in beauty. He was still Coyote though. Through and through, he was always Coyote. When Spider Woman and Yo'sn finally gave him back a body, they made sure it wasn't blue.

Blue Coyote had caused way too much trouble.
There's more...

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Coyote Story

Coyote Photo Downloaded from Wild Nature Images


Coyote Is A False Shaman

One fine day in early summer Coyote was playing games with his cousins Bobcat and Puma. Mostly they were playing "Shoot the Arrow Through the Moving Hoop" and Ma'atose was losing badly. He was losing so much in fact that he was getting low on smoking tobacco. He had lost so much silver that Puma, who was a very good shot was joking about using some of the silver he had won off Coyote to make arrowheads. Coyote kept trying to cheat, and Bobcat kept catching him. Finally, Coyote pretended to make a mistake throwing the hoop and broke it apart. Puma was very mad about this and was about to kick Coyote's sorry ass good for a while.

Lucky for Ma'atose he was saved by three visitors. Cornstalk and MonsterSlayer the twin sons of Spider Woman were coming up the hillside with Kokopelli the trader and flute player.

Monster Slayer spoke first and said "Coyote we need your special gifts right now. The Men of the People are being very stupid. They have decided to go make war on the farmers of the Papago. I'm very mad because they are taking weapons I gave them to help them hunt and are using them to make war. This isn't right or good."

Cornstalk said "To make things worse they are going to attack well before the crops are ready to eat. They'll only make trouble for everybody and ruin the whole harvest. The Papago are growing special beans and squash together this time. They're doing that because I have shown them special favor. If the Apache ruin this crop it might be years before other people learn how to do this system of planting and a lot of people from all the nations will starve to death without any good reason."

Kokopelli said "Their women tried to talk them out of this stupid thing. So did I. I told them that they should take this time of year to hunt the forest right above the Papago fields. It's full of deer, elk, and rabbits who are gathering to try and eat free off the Papago's hard work. If they go to war right now, they risk making the Apache Gods, the Hopi Gods, the Dineh Gods and the Papago Gods very angry. They need to learn that there might be times for war, but that it's always bad for trade and other business."

Coyote knew he would help out, but he pretended to think for a long time. Finally he said "If I help you what will you give me?"

Kokopelli said "I will teach your daughters to play the flute."
Cornstalk said "I will give you enough tobacco to last another year."
Monster Slayer said "I will give you a bow strong enough to bring down a buffalo bull."

Coyote didn't say anything, he just waited to see if they would try to give him anything else. They didn't offer to give up anything more so he just said "Alright, I'll do this. But you need to get my cousins Bobcat and Puma to help me out."

Once all the different deals were made with all the different people Coyote, Bobcat, and Puma all went off together. Coyote was riding his talking horse Cho'osh (gonorrhea), because he needed a horse with him that could be in on the plan. Bobcat and Puma rode other horses who didn't have any magic about them. They just kept up is all.

When they got to the hills just above where the Apache were camped Coyote told Bobcat, Puma, and Cho'osh what his plan was and what each of them should do to make it work. They all agreed that it was a very good plan. Puma had a question though.

He asked Coyote "Your horse is the smartest, fastest, and toughest horse I've ever seen. Why did you name him after a sex disease?"

Coyote said "Because he runs so rough it makes my dick hurt."

Bobcat and Puma began to get their part of the scheme ready while Coyote and Cho'osh rode down into the Apache camp.

When he got to the camp Coyote told the War Chief to gather all of his men together. Then he had one of the camp boys take Cho'osh over to where the other horses were kept. Once all the men were gathered together Coyote stood up in front of them. He had changed into some very strange clothes. He had gotten a bunch of different branches and stuck them into his turban, he had feathers from a bunch of different birds fastened all over his arms. He had painted his face in many bright colors. He looked very stange, and sort of scary. He used a high and trembling voice to speak to the men, it sounded like he was talking from a far away distance. He said:

"You men of the White Mountains are about to do something very, very foolish. You are not understanding the Law of the Opposites! You are about to make a war raid because you think that you are being smart. That is stupid."

One of the men said "Our women told us not to go on this raid. They are the stupid heads."

Coyote yelled real loud "Silence human dummy being! I have come to you on orders of the Gods themselves! (this part was the only true thing Coyote was planning to say all night, sometimes to make a good enough lie to fool people you have to put a tiny, little, bitty, touch of truth into the soup) They have sent me to show you the proper ceremony and dances to be done before you go to war. If you go to war without them you might all be killed and your raid will not be successful."

Then, Coyote started to sing his war song. It wasn't the best song he had ever done because he was making it all up right there.

"I am singing my war song
Because I am about to go to war
My enemies will be afraid of me
Because I am a scary guy

I am scary because I am sneaky
I am scary because I am clever
I am scary because
I don't listen to nobody
Not no how
Not no way

I am Scary Warrior Coyote
Be afraid of me
Because I'm scary and stuff"

Coyote began to whoop and shout through his song again while he was dancing around. Some of the men noticed that everytime he went through the song the words were coming out a little different. A few of them began to wonder about this new ceremony they were supposed to learn. How would they be able to do it over again if the words were always different?

One of the men spoke up again and said "You keep changing the words to the song. How are we supposed to learn it well enough to sing the ceremony?"

Coyote gave him his angriest, scariest scowl and in a growling deep voice said "Do you doubt me? I will show you my power now!" He took an eagle bone whistle from under his turban and blew on it one time very loud.

That was the signal for Bobcat to go. Bobcat and Puma had been lighting big signal fires up in the hills above the camp. They had shielded them with blankets so that they couldn't be seen. When Coyote blew his whistle Bobcat took down the blanket that hid the northern fire. He ran off licketysplit to the next fire. Coyote then blew twice on the whistle which was the signal for Puma to do the same thing with the southern signal fire. Coyote blew his whistle three times and Bobcat showed them the fire he had built in the west. Coyote blew four times and Puma exposed the signal fire in the east.

Coyote looked out over the men and said "I can start these fires with the breath from my whistle. You don't want me to get angry and set the whole forest on fire do you?"

The men all told the one who had asked the question to pipe down and quit making trouble. Coyote told them they should send that man home because he was obviously a coward and a troublemaker who would spoil their whole war with his smart alecky questions and his silly peace dreams. The man being sent home started to head off for where the horses were kept and Coyote hollered at him "Horses are only for great and brave warriors. Cowards need to walk home alone."

Even though the man felt embarrassed to be sent home like this and shamed in front of everybody, deep down inside him he was truly glad. He had thought from the beginning that this was all a bad idea that was going to cause a whole bunch of trouble. Instead of arguing or trying to talk sense to the men who were all worked up for war he just put his head down and started to walk home.

Coyote then began to teach the men a dance for war. Just like the song he was making it all up right there. He was having a grand old time with it. He'd make the men hop on one leg for a while, then he'd make them hop on the other leg. He'd make them jump up high in the air and then lay down real quick and roll around in the dirt.

When he saw that Bobcat and Puma were there for the next part of the plan he shouted at the men. "Look! There are my cousins Puma and Bobcat! They have come to help you make war with their powerful magic! Take off all your clothes and give them to Cousin Bobcat. He will do his secret spell on them and when you get them right back they will be able to turn away arrows and clubs and stones. Take off your moccasins and give them to Cousin Puma, he will do his secret spell and when you get them right back they will be magicked up so that you will be able to run fast all day long without getting tired. Bring your war clubs and long spears up to me and I will charm them with my secret magic spell so that when I give them right back to you everything you hit with them will die right then and there. I almost feel sorry for those stupid bean farmer Papago. This won't be a fight at all. It will be a kiiiiiiiiiillllllllllliiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggg tiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmmeeeeee!"

Coyote was working himself up into a lather. He was spitting all over the place when he talked. Now he just started to howl "Kiilllinnngg Timmmmmeeee! Killlinnnggg Timmmmmee!"

The men started taking off all their clothes and all their moccasins just like Coyote told them to do. They were starting to howl just like Coyote while they did this. They all brought all their heavy weapons up and made a great big pile of them up in the front of the dancing circle.

Bobcat and Puma took all the clothes and all the moccasins off to where Cho'osh was with the men's horses. Cho'osh had gotten all the horses ready to travel. The horses were glad to be leaving because men who are all worked up to go to war mostly ride too hard and too fast to have any good times on the trail or even stop to let horses eat and drink enough to be happy. Puma and Bobcat got them all loaded up with what the men had given them. Then they went through the men's camp and took down all their shelters, all their food and all their spare clothes. The only things they left them were their light bows and arrows and their skinning knives.

They had just finished when they heard Coyote's next signal. They took all the horses with them to where Coyote was.

Coyote had been having the men smoke biiwol ishgliini (marijuana) leaves and singing just now made up songs in very loud voices. The men didn't even wonder why all their horses were with Bobcat and Puma when they came riding up. Coyote told them that he had to take their weapons off to do his secret magic spell in private and that all the men should keep smoking and dancing and singing for a little bit longer until he came right back.

The men said "Anything you say Scary Warrior Coyote! We'll do just like we're told so that we can be Scary Warrior Men."

Bobcat, Puma, and Coyote loaded all the men's weapons up on their horses and they took off like a flash. Coyote had to stuff his hand all the way down his throat to keep from laughing out loud and ruining everything. Even so, he was shaking so hard that Cho'osh had to jump like a kangaroo rat to stay underneath him and not let him fall right off.

They were about half of the way back to the main Apache village when they came upon the man that Coyote had told the others to send home as a coward. Coyote told the man that he didn't really think that he was a coward at all, quite the opposite in fact. He gave the man the name of "Wise Question Asker" and told him that he should be the chief of the people from now on.

When they got to the Apache village all the women and elders came out to meet them. Coyote, Bobcat, and Puma gave the women all the men's heavy weapons and the grandmothers took them away to a kiva. The grandmothers set a guard up on the kiva and vowed that if the men ever wanted to go to war again they would have to get their weapons from the grandmothers by convincing them that there wasn't any alternative to fighting. Wise Question Asker said this was a good thing and it is still the custom among the Apache to this very day. The women threw a big feast and singing dance for the three almost like a god animals, Coyote, Bobcat, and Puma. Everybody had a great time and the honored guests were taken off into lodges one right after another. By the time the feast and dancing was over each of them had been with every one of the Apache women at least one time.

At about dawn the next morning when the people and their guests were waking up from the long party they found Cornstalk and Kokopelli there in the camp. Cornstalk told the women that most of them were going to have babies from being with Coyote, Bobcat and Puma. The babies that were born from this would all be much smarter than before. Some of them would have golden eyes just like Puma, some would have green eyes like Bobcat, some of them would be clever happy babies, just like Coyote.

Kokopelli told the women that because Coyote had stolen all the men's clothes and all their supplies they were having to do nothing but hunt like wolves so that they could make new clothes and have enough to eat. He told them that the Papago had seen the forest outside their lands being full of Apaches busy hunting and that the Papago were very happy to have them there because the Apache were keeping the animals that would try to eat the crops hunted down. There was going to be a very big harvest with plenty of food to go around. Kokopelli said that he was going to go to the men now and show them how to trade with the Papago for other things that they might need.

One of the women told Cornstalk that the way things had worked out was exactly what she and the other women had tried to tell the men should be done. Cornstalk talked with Wise Question Asker for a long time and when they were finished they named the woman Blue Cornstalk Woman and made her the Peace Chief of the Apache.

Coyote was getting good and bored with all this. He told everybody that he was going to go off into the Dragoon mountains and see if the Chiricauhua had any stuff to gamble with.

As he rode off on Cho'osh the people heard him laughing out loud while he sang

"I am singing my war song
Because I am about to go to war
My enemies will be afraid of me
Because I am a scary guy

I am scary because I am sneaky
I am scary because I am clever
I am scary because
I don't listen to nobody
Not no how
Not no way

I am Scary Warrior Coyote
Be afraid of me
Because I'm scary and stuff"

The passes all the way down to Chiricauhua lands rang with Coyote's song and his laughter. It was a good summer, full of prosperity and big, feasting parties with people from every nation.

There's more...

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

HomeMade Sin


French Vanilla Ice Cream

Is being made while the cake cools, my baby sister's birthday is the event. Frankly though, I was grateful for the diversion. Politics sometimes just works my nerves. I go into the kitchen for relief.

INGREDIENTS

8 egg yolks (these were left over from the angel cake, I love symmetry in the kitchen)
1 1/2 cups vanilla sugar (sugar that has been jarred with vanilla bean husks)
4 cups heavy cream
2 cups 1/2 & 1/2
2 tablespoons pure vanilla extract
2 vanilla beans halved and scraped (I used Tahitian Vanilla, if you can't get that and use the Madagascar beans, use 4)
1/2 teaspoon salt



Scald the 1/2&1/2, the cream, and the vanilla husks.


While that's happening, beat the egg yolks until bright yellow.


Add in the sugar, salt, and vanilla extract. Beat until well blended.


Take the scalded cream and strain into a measuring cup or small pitcher to catch any vanilla husks and nasty scalding skin.


This is then tempered into the egg mixture, a little at a time, to avoid scrambling your egg yolks. After all, this is custard, not quiche.


Mix until very smooth and a lovely blonde color.


**NOTE: If you don't know the chickens your eggs came from personally, I recommend that you add in a step of taking the mixed custard back to the stove, cook over a medium heat, stirring constantly, until it begins to coat the back of a wooden spoon.**


Put into the container of your ice cream freezer, and add in enough of the cream to bring the level up to the "full" line.


Freeze with lots of ice, and rock salt.


When the ice cream is frozen, you can serve some of it soft, but, I prefer to transfer it to a


larger, container. Freezing for two hours should produce a nice scooping ice cream, that has an incredible, smooth mouth feel.



A dedicated food porn aficianado would have recognised that this ice cream base is essentially a Creme Brulée, that is frozen rather than baked. That realization might be the single best motivation I can think of to get cracking on a Caramel Sauce. . .
There's more...

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Coyote Story


"Dancing Coyote" downloaded from fotosearch

Coyote Steals the Sun's Tobacco, Learns To Plant It, Gets Married, Gives Tobacco as a Wedding Gift

One day, Ma'atose was bored. Nothing seemed to interest him. Finally he decided to go and visit his cross-cousin Sun. He thought that this would be a fine idea. Sun always had good tobacco and Slim Coyote felt that a smoke might help him to think better.

On the way to his cousin's house he decided to stop in and see if his friends among the Chiricauhua had any tizwit (homemade whiskey from cactus) or something else to take as a gift. The Chiricauhua did have plenty of tizwit, so much in fact, that Coyote stayed for nearly a week. Then, right in the middle of a good drunk, he got all jumpy and nervous. He went to see an Hatta'alli (medicine singer and herb doctor) about it and was told that when he felt like that he should settle down someplace quiet with a good pipe and calm down.

Coyote threw some tizwit, some shell beads, a few good stones of turquoise into a bag and headed off to go visit Sun. He was riding his spotted horse Cho'osh (gonorrhea) and the ride helped him to clear his head.

He got to Sun's house way up in the high mountains and knocked on the door. Sun's wife answered and said that Sun wasn't home, but would his cross-cousin like to come in and wait for him?

Coyote went in and admired the beautiful house of Sun. Then he saw that Sun had left a great big bag of tobacco hanging on the wall next to some pipes. He told Sun's wife that he had been told by a doctor that he should take a smoke now and then to help calm his thoughts. Since they were cousins and all he figured Sun wouldn't mind if he waited for him with a smoke or two. Then, when Sun came home, Coyote would be all calmed down and they could share some tizwit. While he was rummaging through his bag to get the tizwit out, he made sure that he spilled out a couple of the turquoise stones.

Sun's wife saw the turquoise and was mighty impressed. She admired Coyote right out of them both. As soon as she had left the room to go put the gemstones away Coyote took Sun's tobacco bag and emptied most of it into his own pouch. Then he filled a little pipe with Sun's tobacco and began to smoke. While he smoked he tried to figure out the rest of his plan.

When Sun's wife returned Coyote was just finishing up that first pipe. He noticed that this was the finest tobacco he had ever smoked and complimented Sun's wife on her fine hospitality. Sun's wife said that this was some special tobacco that Spider Woman's son Cornstalk had brought to Sun to thank him for the last good growing season.

Coyote settled in and thought some more. Then, he brought out a full skin of tizwit and laid it on the table. He said "Since my cousin isn't here it wouldn't be right for us to get drunk together, I'll just leave this here to say thank you. I really want to have a pipe and a drink at the same time. So I'll just go now." Sun's wife was so impressed by Coyote's generous gifts that she didn't even notice that he had slipped Sun's little pipe into his own bag. She said goodbye at the door and gave him a little traveling food for good measure.

When Sun got home he sniffed the air and smelled the tobacco smoke. He went over to where he kept the bag of tobacco and saw that most of it was gone. He went to his wife and said "Wife dear, who has come to visit and left our house just now?" Sun's wife said "It was your nice cousin Ma'atose. See what he left me?" She was holding up the two turquoise stones. Then she said "He also left you a nice skin of tizwit, but he had to leave, because he was too polite to ask me to drink with him."

Sun was very mad, but he saw that his wife had been tricked so he just told her "I will go find my cousin and I will thank him for his visit. I might even bring him back to have dinner with us, if that's alright with you." Sun's wife said "I told him he was welcome to come visit any time."

Sun went and got his best tracking horse, Southern Black Wind Horse, and set out after Coyote. Cho'osh was a very fast horse who was also very light footed and didn't leave behind many tracks. That didn't bother Sun a bit though. He knew something about the tobacco that Coyote had stolen. Everywhere Coyote smoked the scent lingered behind. Also, everytime Coyote filled another pipe, a little bit of the tobacco spilled, as soon as the tobacco hit the ground it began to grow and flower. Southern Black Wind Horse followed his nose, and Sun followed his eyes. They were gaining on Coyote easily.

Cho'osh sensed that they were being followed and suggested to Coyote that they maybe take a rest at Cornstalk's place. Coyote thought that this was a very good idea.

They found Cornstalk getting seeds ready for the next spring. He noticed that Coyote had some of the special tobacco that he had given to Sun and told him that this was how Sun was able to follow him so easily. Coyote gave the pouch with Sun's tobacco over to Cornstalk along with some white shell beads that he knew Cornstalk's mother loved the best. Cornstalk was very impressed by this generous action and got another bag of the same tobacco and gave that to Coyote. He told him about the way it would grow everywhere some of it fell and that he had been planning to take that bag to the White Mountains to give to those people there. Coyote said "I will take that tobacco to the mountain people for you. Just please, try and calm my cousin down so that his anger doesn't burn me up to a crisp."

Coyote took off pretty quick. Just like he had promised, Cornstalk was able to calm Sun down. He reminded Sun about the turquoise and tizwit that Coyote had left for him and suggested that if Sun had been there at home, he would have given the tobacco and pipe to Coyote anyway. Sun thought about that for a while and began to cool off a bit. Then he said "I'll just go back home now. But, if you see our trickster of a cousin you tell him that he should ask before taking things from people. Even when he leaves things behind. It's just not polite."

Cornstalk said that he had sent Coyote on an errand to the humans for now, but the next time that he saw him he'd tell him that he owed his cousin Sun an apology and some favors. Cornstalk knew Coyote didn't mind owing people favors.

Coyote and Cho'osh got to where the White Mountain people were staying and he invited himself to stay with them for a while. The White Mountain people liked Coyote a lot, even though he was tricky, and a liar, they knew that mostly his heart was a complete circle that began and ended with love. Sometimes he just had to be tricked himself into doing something nice for a change.

Coyote was sitting with the people smoking his pipe and sharing the tobacco that Cornstalk had given him. He showed the people how to make it grow in the mountains and the people were very grateful. They held a council and decided that they should do something nice for Coyote to thank him. They went to Coyote and told him that for this fine gift of tobacco they would let Coyote choose a wife from among their single women.

Coyote was already married two or three times, but not once in the White Mountains, so he thought that this would be a very good idea. The single women came and danced and sang for Coyote. They were all wearing beautiful white skin dresses with long fringes that swayed while they danced. There was one girl that Coyote just couldn't stop looking at. He told the council "I think that's the one I should marry."

The council thought together for a bit, they knew something that Coyote didn't know. In the White Mountains there are people called iishkiln iit'teen (boys who live as girls). They just are happier when they are allowed to pretend that they are women, and since it makes them happy, the White Mountain people pretend along with them. It makes things easier for us all that way. That way, everybody's happy.

They decided since they had promised Coyote could choose his wife they had better just go through with it and let things happen the way they would happen.

It turned out that Coyote was very tired from his long chase by the Sun and after some kissing and some cuddling he fell right to sleep. He didn't know that he had married a boy until the next morning. He was very angry. He went to the council and told them that he felt like he had been tricked. The council explained the way our people lived to Coyote and said that there were many such people living that way. There were also men, who lived like men but enjoyed the attention and company of other men who were among them. There were some women who loved other women. Just different ways of loving that seemed to work out just fine when people mind their own business and don't try to control other people's spirits.

Then one of the elders asked Coyote "Why did you choose Dló Itsogè? (oriole)" Coyote said "Because she was the prettiest."

The elder said "We think so too." Then he asked "Why else did you choose her?"

Coyote said "Because she was a very graceful dancer and was dressed so fine I figured she would make me some nice clothes."

The elder said "We think so too."

The elder then asked "Were there any other reasons that made you pick her?"

Coyote said "She sang a very beautiful song, I thought she was singing just for me."

The elder said "We thought the very same thought."

Coyote decided that Dló Itsogè would make a perfect White Mountain wife. After all, it wasn't like he was going against the way the people there lived. He figured he could just be a White Mountain person when he was with them, and be anything else he wanted to be other places.

Sometimes he would get a little confused about those things though. He would start to worry about himself for loving his White Mountain wife and wonder if that made him funny or something.

When that happened he'd always go down to the river and throw rocks at the water spirits. That always made him feel lots better.
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Sunday, July 27, 2008

Coyote Story


Coyote Tells a Story With Three Morals

One winter, Coyote was staying with the White Mountain People. He had spent most of the fall at the soldier fort after getting drunk again and being put to work by the belangaana*. Because of that he didn't have any food or anything important put aside. He liked the White Mountain People and pretended that was the only reason he was there. The People let him pretend because Coyote was always good for a laugh and was generous with his things when he had them.

One night everybody was telling stories. The children were all still awake so most of the stories had to do with things to learn. Coyote sometimes talked like a Chiricauhua, very boasting and all proud of himself. He said "I can tell a very good teaching story. This story has three lessons so you need to listen very close."

Everybody leaned in to listen, one of the children put a whole plate of dried yucca fruits down and another child brought him a big steaming mug of jerky tea.

When I was locked up at the fort I saw something in the barn. It was one little thing that taught me three lessons.

One morning in the beginning of the Great Big Moon (october) it got really cold all of a sudden. The day before had been warm and like summer, then, right away it was cold. There was a sparrow that had been hanging around the soldier fort too. Right there in the rafters of the barn. He would fly all over and take little fallen seeds and bits of grain from when the soldiers were taking care of their horses. He would sing his sparrow songs and the soldiers seemed to really like that. They would leave little piles of seeds and grain out where the sparrow could get to them and be safe from the barn cats.

I don't know if that bird figured that he didn't need to go south with all the other sparrows or why he stayed behind so late. All I know is what I saw.

That very cold morning when the soldiers and me went out to the barn we found our little sparrow friend nearly frozen on the ground just outside the barn. I scooped him up to take him inside but the sergeant yelled at me.

He said "Put that stupid bird down, we have a lot of work to do."

I carried the bird until we were just inside the barn and the sergeant yelled at me again. He had a horse by a rope and he told me that this wasn't sergeant work, it was prisoner work and I better get over there and do it right now. Just then the horse took a big old dump. I saw the pile of horseshit steaming in the cold morning air and I had me an idea. I put that little bird into the steaming warm shit and covered him up good. Then I went about my morning work.

While I was doing the chores I kept an eye on the horseshit pile and sure enough, just like I planned it, the little bird began to revive. He stuck his head out of the shitpile first. Then, little by little, he climbed all the way out. He was shaking some of the sticky, wet shit off his feathers so he could fly back up into the rafters when he saw me walking by.

He shouted at me, "Hey Cousin! Thanks for saving my life! I'm going to sing a new song all about what a great cousin you are."

He began to sing right there on the big old pile of shit. It was a pretty good song too. It's nice to hear songs that are about you being good. They don't make enough songs like that about me so it's really special when I hear one. I was just about to start learning it by singing along with him when a barn cat heard the singing. He pounced right on that little bird and ate him in one bite.

The cat said "Thanks for catching my breakfast for me cousin. I hope the soldiers let you go home real soon."


Everybody who was listening to the story just looked at Coyote. Nobody said anything because he was a guest and all, but most of the people thought that the story was mostly stupid and had a very bad ending.

Finally one of the Medicine Singers said "Ma'atose** my Cousin, you said that this story taught you three lessons. What did you learn from this?"

Coyote started to giggle because he was very impressed with his own cleverness and said:

Easy and obvious lessons. I'm surprised you wise people didn't see them right off.

First: The person who puts you in the shit is not always your enemy.

Second: The person who takes you out of the shit is not always your friend.

Third: If you wake up and find yourself in a pile of shit, Keep. Your. Mouth. Shut. It ain't nothing to sing about.

Everybody laughed and laughed. When they were done laughing Coyote said "Remember it was me that stole the Sun's tobacco and gave it to you. I'm all out and I want a smoke."

* iindii = human beings who are Apache.
iindaa = human beings who are not Apache.
belangaana = white people who are mean and greedy.

**Ma'atose = Coyote the trickster, he talks like people talk.
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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Get To Know Me



Jesse Suggested This


He wants a semi-autobiographic "This Is Who I Am" kind of post so that we can all get to know one another. Sometimes, though, immediate events will supercede even a good suggestion.

The photo is my new niece. My sister adopted her. She has spent the bulk of her young life in foster care and has been brought into our lives and our family. I wrote a series about her being adopted into the Apache.

Asking For Vision (day 1)
Rez Drums
In the Kiva
Hoop Dance
Itsa Ga'an

You might also want to read The Origin Story of the Raven Soldiers

I am the sum of my life experience. Some of it has been noble, some of it cool, a lot of it violent and tawdry. I needed all those lessons to be where I am today, and I needed them all with this little girl yesterday afternoon.

I was spending the day with Dani. She is a total and complete charmer, with beguiling eyes and deep dimples. We were puttering around the kitchen and having ourselves a ball. I was doing cleanup in the kitchen and Dani went into the den to go and get some cartoon time. She took a glass of cranberry juice.

She spilled it on the carpet. Now, you're probably thinking, great big honking deal, nine year old girls spill stuff all the time. Any rational adult should know this. I heard the spill and grabbed the cleaning gear ready to be "uncle-on-the-spot."

This darling girl was in a state of panic, and terror. She was pale and trembling, her breath was coming in pants between sobs. I remembered what my sister had told me about the day she came into our lives. She was removed from her last foster placement by her social worker on an emergency basis, with only the clothes on her back. Most of our inquiries regarding her history of care have been met with silence. This girl's history has more gaps than a 25 year CIA black ops veteran's. There are things that happen in foster care that the state is unwilling to address because it would expose ugly truths about the system.

Think Dickens.

I was looking into those beautiful eyes and all I could think of is that this darling young girl had been beaten terribly. Over spills.

I dropped all my cleaning stuff and scooped her up in my arms. I held her for nearly half an hour, trying to soothe her fears and calm her sobbing. I told her that she was far more important to me than all the carpets in the world, including the ones that fly. I told her that I was her very own personal Raven Soldier who would stand beside her always. I told her that she was one of us now, and that no adult was ever going to hit her for any reason.

While this was happening my tribal side, my combat veteran side was thinking about making a night visit to the sons of bitches that dared to beat this child. Throats would be cut, blood would be spilled, the hands that did the beating nailed to the doorway, scalps taken back to the rez, with the rest left for the scavengers. Vulture food, coyote food, that would be the deserved burial.

Just as quickly I noticed that Dani was sensing this welling of anger inside me. Poor little dear was thinking it was her. I stuffed my anger, quickly and deep. Of course, it stayed there and has festered all night and all morning. Stuffing does that.

I poured this out to a couple of friends. I talked myself down from my anger.

I know a thing or two about violence, and revenge. I know that neither of them would be any sort of a healing for me. I know that they would not help my niece do any healing from her previous life.

She needs me here, loving her. Loving her unconditionally. Loving her without any holding back. Loving her with all my heart and soul.

There's an old story from Xenophon about the Greek mercenaries on their way home from a Persian disaster (read Anabasis). They are sitting around a fire talking about philosophy and life. Talk turns to the old heroes of Greek history, Achilles, Ajax, Theseus, Heracles and such. An old veteran, a grizzled sergeant from Sparta named Glyppus says he wants nothing to do with those heroes of old. They break the integrity of the phalanx to do single combat. Because they don't know the fears of mortal men, they take risks that are unneccesary and often stupid. Glyppus doesn't want those kind of men with him in the line of battle. He wants me who know fear, but also know something else. There are things that matter more than fear.

Courage, he says is not the absence of fear. Courage is knowing that there are things more important than fear.

What then, he is asked, is the opposite of fear? What matters more than fear?

Glyppus sighs at their silly ignorance and says "Love."

There. Now you know a lot more about me than I usually let on. We'll talk more.

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