...I heard her cry the night that irony died...
There are days when you pick up the Times, or some such paper of record, read a story, and then swear to God that you screwed up and paid for a free copy of The Onion.
And then you look at the masthead, shake your head, while making a cartoony "flabbobbity-blobbity" sound, open your eyes...and realize that the utterly laughable shit you read is 100% true.
Of course, at that point, you then fear for the stability of civilization as a whole. The WTF'ing news via TBogg:
First lady Laura Bush and daughter Jenna Bush are writing a children's book about a boy who doesn't like to read. It is based on their experiences as teachers.
HarperCollins plans to announce today that it will publish the as-yet-untitled picture book next spring. It will be illustrated by Denise Brunkus, who's best known for her drawings in the popular Junie B. Jones series.
"It's a book that I've always wanted to write," Laura Bush said Wednesday in an interview. "And it's fun to be able to do it with your daughter."
She says the book is set in a school — somewhat like the Miss Nelson series by Harry Allard and James Marshall — and is about a funny, mischievous second-grader "who professes not to like books. He says he likes real things.
What can you say? "A boy who professes not to like books. He says he likes real things."? Did the editor excise the parts where the idiot kid hears voices in his head telling him things to do, and how he magically weaned himself from an addiction to snorting Pixy Stix. Shit, how do you mock a walking, breathing parody?
Irony is now officially dead. Its body has been hacked to bits, dipped in lye, drizzled with quicklime, and then run through a wood-chipper...and finally, fed to the feral pigs out back.
"Snark" is damned tough when you're dealing with a subject bunch that makes the idiot-fuck Clampetts look like The Royal Tenenbaums. Yeesh!
So, to preserve our sense of humor—and we're gonna fucking need it for the last 18 months, and to "Keep Irony Alive!”, I'm gonna sponsor a little contest on The Group News Blog, inspired the the Bush-wimmens' book. Let's call it, "The GNB Shortest Book Competition”. The object of the contest is to come up with your own title of a "short" book dealing with the present, piece-o'-crap administration, i.e. "Humility—by Dick Cheney”, or..."Using Your Voice To Commanding Effect—by Bradley Schlozman, E.S.Q.” you know—that sort of thing. Put your entries in the comments thread of this post, and the three (3) best will be whipped up by me, LowerManhattanite, into full-fledged Photoshop "books", which will be displayed in the graphic for the post announcing the winners.
"Friends...don't let their idiot-fuck Presidents simply kill irony without a fight. LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD!" :)
UPDATE: FINALIST NUMBER HAS BEEN EXPANDED TO FIVE, AS THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD ONES IN THE MIX. CUTOFF TIME IS 1.00 P.M. EDT, MONDAY, AUGUST 13TH. —Best to all, LowerManhattanite