Chuck C's In Love (NOT!)

What to do with this pickle...what to do...

Um...Ol' South Beach Charlie's recently turned over a new leaf. No, not the one on the visiting Michaelangelo's “David” statue, you sillies. Rather, it would appear that as the fine folks at AmericaBlog simply described it, “Florida Governor Charlie Crist is engaged. To a woman.”

For some reason, I keep picturing Robin Williams, Nathan Lane and a stumble-bumming Hank Azaria when I think of the post-wedding photo-op. Wonkette's there of course, tipsy as all hell, and boxing-out for the bouquet-toss...

MEN WITHOUT WOMEN

Charlie Crist Getting Married So He Can Pretend To Be McCain’s Vice President Until November

Orange-skinned Florida “bachelor 4 life” Charlie Crist is the latest in Florida's long line of moderate Republican politicians who live swinging, middle-aged male lives without women. But he apparently really wants to lose with John McCain this fall, so he has announced the impending tinkle of little wedding bells!

Charlie was married for like five days way back in 1980, but that didn’t work out so well, due to differences between Charlie and the lady, whoever she was. He had some fake girlfriend last year; we don’t remember what happened to her.

This little spectacle is kind of sad to see. The warped self-loathing and denial—while supporting every possible gay-bashing piece of legislation his party mounts (pun unintended—seriously) is enough to give anyone whiplash—especially a “known” quantity like the Orange state's Crist. But this level of game-running for mere ambition's sake is just this side of stunning. It's called “being true to yourself” Charlie. And if you can't do that, the idea of play-acting while mocking marriage (be it of the straight or gay variety) is pretty damned craven in it's ugly-ass self Chucky.

Which put me in the mood for a fine pop recording...albeit with a bit of a twist...

(Sung to the tune of Rickie Lee Jones' “Chuck E's In Love”)

How come he don't come and go D.L. with me...
Down at “The Birdcage” any more?
And how come he turn off the Liberacé...
And hang that new lock on the back door?
We call and we call.—“He's done” they say.
Heeeeyyyyy what could make a boy behave this way?

He's spurned the old times now, and every time...
His hands don't flutter when he talk.
And it's true! It's true! He sure has acquired...
A kinda new and contrived sorta swagger when he walk.
Where's his hanky and his snug blue jeans?
If this ain't reality, then it's some kinda scheme.

Fact is...
Chuck C's In Love.
Chuck C's In Love. (Love, love, love...)
Chuck C's In Love.
Chuck C's In...

...But we don't believe 'cause he's playin' for VP...
This is something I gotta see...
Is he here?
We look in the Boy-Bar.
Is he here?
We look in the plant store.
This is queer...
No, he don't come here no more.

I'll tell you what, I saw him...
He was neckin' stiffly with some girl—outrageous!
And whatever is that he got up his sleeve...
I'm sure it's quite advantageous.
What's her name? Is that her there?
Christ, I think he's even stopped using Nair™!
Hangin' with her...runnin' a game.
Oh, it's never going to be same.
But mum's the word...
We know what's wrong—
'Cause Chuck C's in love with the chance McCain'll maybe drag him along.

Don't you know...
Chuck C's In Love. (Yeah, yeah)
Chuck C's In Love. (Love, love, love...)
Chuck C's In Love. (Yeah, yeah)
Chuck C's In...
Chuck C's In Loooo-ooove.
Chuck C's in Loooo-ooove...with bein' VP!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

UPDATE: From our good friend and longtime reader from Ye Olde News Blog days Matthew Saroff, we have this—the results of an online poll from The South Florida Sun Sentinel newspaper. The question? “Do You Think Gov. Crist's Engagement Is Politically Motivated?

The results? For Charlie, Not very fa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-bu-lous!

There's more...

Karl Rove: Whoring for All that is Wrong with Politics

photo of Sand laden scrape manure, Fair Oaks Dairy, by Accent Stainless Steel Manufacturing Ltd.
Click for LARGE photo.

More full of Crap than a Republican Congressional Caucus.
Spanish Speeder Sues Family of Teen Boy He Killed...

What Karl Rove did for politics was eliminate any legitimate sense of community.

It isn't to say, he wasn't willing to take advantage of your sense of community, play on you and your people's sense of wanting to belong, wanting the dream of a larger, greater America.

But Karl Rove when in operational mode, has no sense of shame, no sense of community, no sense of being part of something larger. Like Satan. He organizes, splitting groups up and spitting them out. Gays, Christians, white males, soccer moms and NASCAR dads, Blacks, Chicanos, and illegals (and yeah, they're illegals, not undocumented and you must hate America, buddy. Want to make something of it? Here... talk to my friends in Gitmo.)

If you and yours get run over, well... tough.

That's two for him and none for you, and you weren't paying attention.

Some people admire this. Even some Democratic politicians, we hear the pundits say, admire Karl Rove for the results he has delivered for Republicans.

I despise him and everything he stands for. I spit on the ground he walks on and sow it with salt. I say Karl Rove stands for the worst America has ever offered, the worst in American politics, and the worst President this country has ever had. Rove destroys our sense of community. He stands for dirty, irresponsible politics without accountability. He appeals to the worst in our nature, rather than our best. He is willing to routinely settle for 51% and than govern as if he had 80%, rather than get elected with 70% and govern as if he had 70%.

An article from Spain today reminds me deeply of Karl Rove.

Associated Press (Yahoo)

MADRID, Spain - A speeding motorist who killed a teenage cyclist is suing the boy's parents over damage to his luxury car, the government says.

Enaitz Iriondo, 17, died instantly in August 2004 when businessman Tomas Delgado's Audi A8 crashed into him at 100 mph near Haro in northern Spain, an Interior Ministry traffic report said. The speed limit was 55 mph.

Iriondo was not wearing reflective clothing or a helmet, the ministry report said. As the sun had set when he crossed the path of Delgado's car from a side road, a regional court found both parties at fault and closed the case, the report said.

Delgado, whose insurance company paid Iriondo's parents $48,500 in compensation for their son's life, filed a suit in late 2006 to recover $29,400 in damages to his car and car rental costs, the ministry traffic report said.

"It's the only way I have to claim my money back," Delgado was quoted as saying by the newspaper El Pais, which first reported the story on Friday. El Pais said a ruling was expected next week.

"It's the final straw, a stab in the back," Iriondo's mother, Rosa Trinidad said, according to El Pais. "Before the lawsuit we thought the poor guy would find it hard to live the rest of his life with the thought of having caused our son's death.

Let me give you that again: "Before the lawsuit we thought the poor guy would find it hard to live the rest of his life with the thought of having caused our son's death."

Before this administration, I thought any president, any administration, would find it hard to live with the damage they have caused my beloved country.

I was wrong.

With just under a year before a new president is sworn in, the damage done by the Bush administration continues to mount on a daily and weekly basis. Already the damage is so vast and crosses so many domains, the United States will be the rest of my lifetime and much of my children's lifetime, cleaning up the mess, and that assuming future presidents allow room to work, by no means a sure deal.

The U.S. position as world leader may well be destroyed forever, depending on how we get through the coming economic crisis. Karl Rove ran the politics which allowed all this to happen, and authorized the looting of our nation at the same time, the fuck.

But Rove, the President, and the Bush administration continue to act with no shame, and no sense of community. They continue to rip apart over 200 years of nation-building, while the rest of us do what we can to stop them as they kill people, while looting the country.

What is Rove doing now?

Rove is out spinning away in magazines, on television, and writing a book (for which he got a crappy advance), blaming the entire mess on Democrats (liberals), trying to say the Bush administration is winning the war (if only the Generals and troops would get it right), while raking in money as he desperately attempts to revise history so he and Bush (but especially himself) are the people who got it right.

How many more have to die in Iraq for Rove to be proved right doesn't matter, just so long as Rove is proved correct.

Really, no kidding.

This is all about Rove and Bush being right, and everyone else being wrong. It's a big game of "I told you so," we know what we're doing, do it my way.

Rove is no different at heart than the Spanish motorist who killed a teenager and now is extorting money from the family because his fancy car got dinged up when he ran over their child at 100 mph. And displays just as little empathy.

Hey...

Maybe Karl could hang out at Arlington with a sign that says:
"I helped kill your child by prolonging the war to help the President stay in power. Car needs tune-up. Will give speech on why surge is working, for cash."

There's more...

Trent Lott & The Goat Rumor

photo mashed-up by Jesse Wendel & Maggie Jochild

What We Know...

There is no proof Larry Flint has photos of Trent Lott blowing goats behind a Klan rally as a young man.

That is wild speculation.

I also have absolutely no evidence they were black goats.

We do have Big Head DC carrying a denial from gay escort Benjamin Nicholas that Sen. Trent Lott is on the down-low -- which I'm oh so certain we all believe:

Big Head DC

UPDATE, 5:30: “Here’s my public comment, on-the-record: Sen. Lott and I have no current affiliation with one another. I’m sure he would appreciate no further scrutiny,” Benjamin Nicholas tells Big Head DC.

Once upon a time, there was a twenty something boy-next-door type with reddish blond hair and a brilliantly white smile. Not one to shy away from attention, he wrote a blog called “Fifteen Minutes,” and also became a freelance writer for various publications, including The Stranger in Seattle. He’d often focus on his non-traditional lifestyle as a gay male escort — a topic that often fascinated his readers, which, in turn, helped him to garner a substantial amount of powerful business acquaintances through the years.

Based in San Antonio, he would travel all over the world to meet his clients, which included high profile celebrities, businessmen and even politicians in the United States Congress.

Sometimes within his writings he’d give advice on how other males could become successful escorts. Other times he’d post videos of himself flexing on YouTube. Once, he even scolded gay escort Mike Jones for outing Rev. Ted Haggard as one of his gay escort business participants.

The boy happens to be real, and his “stage name” is Benjamin Nicholas. One of the politicos Big Head DC has learned he’s alleged to have been involved with is the married Sen. Trent Lott, 66, who unexpectedly announced his retirement on Monday. Lott is well-known to have been against a plethora of gay rights issues throughout his terms in Congress. He was also good friends with Sen. Larry Craig throughout his time in Congress.

Nicholas told Big Head DC today via e-mail that he didn’t want to go on the record to talk about his dealings with Lott, because, said Nicholas, “Trent is going through his fair share of scrutiny right now and I don’t want to add to it.” However, e-mail and other records confirm that the two have met on at least two occasions.

“All I can say at this point is no comment,” Nicholas told us. “It’s the professional thing for me to do.”

In a subsequent e-mail message, Nicholas confirmed that another publication is working on a story about a “possible relationship” between Lott and himself, but Nicholas also “politely declined” an interview for that story.

“As I said before, Lott has quite a bit on his plate right now and I don’t really want to add fuel to the embers,” Nicholas told Big Head DC.

I wonder if Nicholas traveled with his own goats, or if he rented?

Where does one rent a goat in D.C.? Turns out it's just a click away, and shipping is always discounted to special customers.

Larry Flint, that old bastard, is rumored to have photos of Lott. Baaaaaaa-d photos. Of Lott getting rammed.

Takes a goat to blow one.

Baaaaa-bye.

Updated 7 am PT: Benjamin Nicholas, the alleged escort, has released a statement on his own blog, explicitly denying any contact with Lott. Keep in mind however, this is the same Nicholas who went on record bashing the escort who outed Haggart, because in Nicholas' world, an escort should never reveal contact with a client.

15 Minutes...

It looks like a Washington DC-based blog called BigHeadDC is making claim that there was (or, is) a working relationship between myself and Senator Trent Lott. There are falsely pieced-together quotes that serve no purpose other than to sensationalize a completely fabricated scoop.

I will continue to offer a great sense of confidentiality to the people I see. I have not, nor have I ever seen or had contact with Senator Trent Lott. It's as simple as that. It never happened.

And as we've said from the beginning, we have zero evidence Larry Flint even has any photographs of Lott going down on a black goat after the Klan rally oh so many years ago.

Hey -- we're liberals here. I don't judge.

Just so long as the goat didn't get hurt...

There's more...

Your Wingnut Fuck-Up Of The Week

(God help me—Photo of an actual botched Wal-Mart Cake)

Or 24-Percenter Tales To Astonish!—Issue #41:
“Jesus and The Amazing Time Travel Machine”

Many readers and commenters here have rightfully cited a simple point in fact—a point in fact that is troublesome to have to deal with, but is undeniably so—that there is a hard-core 20%-to-30% of the American people who will unflinchingly believe as the one, true Gospel anything their lunatic, dim-bulb masters tell them.

I'll tell you why that's distressing. It's the uncomfortable feeling that these wind-up bots of muddle-headed group-thought will say and do just about anything to defend their positions—wrong as they may be, and are just as liable to lash out irrationally when their side loses enough clout to where they can be more easily ignored.

Let's focus on the slightly better prospect of the two—the “say and do just about anything to defend their positions” path. We are talking about people who have had it imbedded deep in their primary operating systems—like Robocop's “Prime Directive” list—the guiding mantra that THEY MUST NEVER ADMIT TO BEING WRONG...EVER!

They can answer 2+2 =5 as a “Final Jeopardy” question before a live audience of hundreds and millions of TV viewers, or run down from the stands and drop kick a just-grabbed-from-the-stands newborn 70 yards through the goalposts on ‘Monday Night Football”, and as sure as Djimon Hounsou ain't Edgar Winter's brother, they will find a way to deny, straight lie and justify their goof-up as somehow not being a goof-up at all.

The case in point today?

The broken-hammer dumb Bill O'Reilly while playing his role of skeevy Father O'Falafel on the radio for his 38 listeners, got all authoritative with a caller about how the Middle East's current clashes were all pre-ordained, stating:

(November 13th O'Reilly Factor: RADIO via Media Matters)

...“Go to Revelations in the Bible and look at the prediction for the end of the world. It's fascinating, because it does involve the Middle East, and it does involve the clash of cultures, as Jim pointed out.”

“Now, a lot of people think that's superstition, nonsense, all of that. The secularists reject it out of hand. And I'm not trying to convert you to be a Bible-thumper. I'm just saying it's an interesting read. This was written -- what? Five thousand years ago?”

Um...I have found that even a great many non-Christians know the simple and oft-repeated time-frame of the Bible's time of creation—Jesus died 2000 years ago, and the Bible was written shortly thereafter. 2000 years ago! I know it, You know it. Even the most lapsed CEOs (“Christmas and Easter Onlys”) know that hammered-in little factoid.

But Bill O'Reilly somehow didn't, and in fact pulled an extra 3,000 years out of his onanistically-diddled ass and plain-old fudged (Good God! Did I just use the verb “fudged” in that sentence too?) the date.

Keith Olbermann didn't miss O'Reilly's half-assed Bible schooling either, and here's where it gets hilarious:

(O'Reilly) who blasts secular progressives and makes fun of people who slip up on their biblical knowledge; he made a bible reference himself; “go to revelations in the Bible and look at the prediction for the end of the world.  This was written, what, 5,000 years ago?” 


Five thousand years ago?  All right, let me go through this slowly for you.  The Revelations in the Book of Revelations are said to have been written by John after an Angel came to see him with these revelations from Jesus Christ.  Jesus Christ, Bill.  Now, he was supposed to have died roughly 2007 years ago, which is where we get the number on the calendar, the calendar things with the years on it.  It‘s a.d., ano domini (ph), year of our lord.  It is sort of dated back to the death—

The rusted, cinderblock-propped clown car that is Newsmax.com—the “Dick and Jane” primer for the freepazoid set then decided to come back on Olbermann, chiding him for dating A.D. as “roughly 2007 years ago” as opposed to subtracting the assumed 33 years of Christ's life to get the “proper” 1,974 years.

O'Reilly missed by thirty centuries and they look the other way, Olbermann says “roughly 2007 years”—missing by about thirty, and he's the fuck-up? Well, to complete the “no limit to their ass-covering” circle, Newsmax went here—without so much as a fare back:

But were you right in suggesting that Bill O’Reilly was wrong? In a word, no.

Bill O’Reilly, as you reenacted him, tossed off questions asking whether the Book of Revelation was written 5,000 years ago. But odd and off-base as this number is, we technically cannot call O’Reilly wrong.

Why? As its resident star-scientist Carl Sagan could have explained to you when you attended Cornell, lowest vine of the Ivy League (which, as a privileged loony-left kid from Westchester, you probably chose because it is known as “Big Red”), simple questions may imply but rarely assert factuality. Therefore simple statements in the interrogative mode — questions — are almost never “wrong.” E.g., “Could it be that this footprint is evidence that Bigfoot exists?”

It’s like Sen. Hillary Clinton avoiding direct answers in debates.

But, Keith, Bill O’Reilly’s inflection made clear that he himself was asking questions about whether the Book of Revelation “was written, what? 5,000 years ago?”

Yes...that's how far they will go. Fuck the “Chewbacca” defense—these sillingtons have brought it millions of light years home with the good, old American “Bigfoot” defense.

For them, O'Reilly was right because in the middle of his religious bloviating, where he authoritatively speaks of how “interesting a read” Revelations is (See, he's read it and whatnot.) and cites passages predicting this and that, he states in “Who doesn't know this?” question form when the book may have been written, thus making it okay to muff the date by thirty fucking centuries!!! Brilliant!!!

That kind of neener-neener cognitive dissonance is the sort that leads fools the way to dusty, head-bagged, and freshly-Nike-ed death.

You kind of know the rest of it...

“Out! Out, brief truth!
Thou art a walking annoyance,
A poor substitute,
Who struts and frets his hour 'pon the stage
And is paid attention to no more.
T'is a tale, told by a reality-spouter,
Full of sound and fury,
Signifying uh...nothing they want to hear.

And with that, I reluctantly await Sean Hannity's splitting the uprights later this season at a Jets game and having it all explained away as an unfortunate “metatarsal-to-infant malfunction.”

I can only hope that the netting behind those ever-moving goalposts breaks the tot's fall somewhat.

There's more...